Braveheart
by BlueJeansWhiteShiirt
Summary: This fanfiction takes place a year before Beatrice Prior chooses Dauntless. A defiant Erudite girl, Blaire, makes the choice of transferring to Dauntless. She will learn how to forgive, forget, fight for her life, and fall in love. Inspired by the song "Seven Devils" by Florence and the Machine. PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK! Tell me how you like it! P.S. Rated M for language.
1. Braveheart Character Casting

This is my personal dream cast for Divergent and my fanfiction. I wasn't particularly pleased with the actual casting for the movie, but I'm sure with the proper makeup and costuming everything will pan out. I just wanted to post this so you could see who the characters look like from the writer's perspective.

Characters:

**Blaire Lana:** played by Barbara Palvin.

**Eric Hale:** played by Tyler Blackburn.

**Jack Lana:** would be played by Jack Quaid.

**Jeanine Matthews:** played by Kate Winslet.

**Bailey Addams:** played by Chloe Moretz.

**Four/Tobias Eaton:** played by Max Irons.

**Tori:** played by Maggie Q.

**Max:** played by Idris Elba.

**Cécile Lana:** played by Natalie Portman.

**Adam Lana:** played by Robert Downey Jr.

**Zayn Hadley:** played by Logan Lerman.

**Brett Keyser:** played by Dylan O'Brien.

**Caleb Hadley:** played by Dave Franco.


	2. Chapter 1: Let the Flames Begin

**Prologue**

We submit the following statements as truth… 'Ignorance' is defined not as stupidity, but as lack of knowledge. Lack of knowledge inevitably leads to lack of understanding. This lack of understanding, leads to disconnect among people. Disconnection among people with differences, leads to conflict. Knowledge is the only logical solution to the problem of conflict. Therefore, we propose that in order to eliminate conflict, we must eliminate disconnect among those with differences, by correcting the lack of understanding that arises from ignorance with knowledge. I was Erudite.

**Chapter 1: Let the Flames Begin**

Jack is wandering around the kitchen in his dress pants, blue sweater, and white button down. This is what he does when he becomes anxious. He paces and talks fast and constantly runs his fingers through his dark brown hair. This could be one of the last times I see him, at least for a few months. Most likely my twin brother and I are going to be separated, because even though we are siblings, we want different things in life. I will decide the rest of my life and Jack will choose his. I will miss my family of course, but after the Choosing Ceremony, they will be nothing more than my past.

"Morning children!" My father strolls into the kitchen, with his fingers still adjusting the navy tie around his neck. He must've given Jack his warm and messy brown hair. Not to mention the expression they both get when trying to argue. My mother calls it the "Lana pout." It's crazy how similar they actually are.

"Morning…" An awful feeling rises and it suddenly dawns on me that I will only say good morning to my father once more after today. I want to run over to him, like when I was little, and curl up in his lap. But I can't do that anymore. I am supposed to be an adult.

"Jack, please take a seat, you're giving me anxiety…" My mother strides into the room, heading toward the toaster.

"I already have anxiety…" He mutters and flops into the seat across from mine, his eyes distant and obviously worried.

"Why?" Our father looks up from his tie and scoots closer to the table, as our mother sets down a cup of coffee for him. "Jack, this is nothing to be _worried_ about. I passed it easily."

"You have to say things like that. You're biased." He rolls his eyes and reaches for a slice of toast from the plate our mother just set in the center of the table.

My hand gets to the piece before he can, and I snatch it. "Dad's right. Stop worrying… Worse case scenario, your results say Amity, but you can still choose anything you want. The results are just like…recommendations."

Jack frowns and our father starts to nod. "She's right. You should listen to her more often."

"I'm always right." I roll my eyes and watch as my mother sinks into the seat next to mine. Her dark hair is the same shade of mine. And people say we have the same nose, which puckers up cutely when we laugh. I don't get to see my mother laugh much anymore, but when she does, I can faintly see the resemblance people gossip about. People also say how beautiful I am. They compliment the length of my legs and the dark color of my eyes. They mention my lean figure, the light color of my skin and my perfectly shaped eyebrows.

"Do not be cocky…" Our mother smirks and takes a sip of her coffee. "It's not very ladylike."

"She's not ladylike…_ever_." Jack says as he butters his slice of toast. "That's obviously why she's never had any boys over. None of them like her."

My light cheeks go pink immediately. He's right, I'm not the most mannerly girl around, but his comment still hurts. It also confuses me, because I get tons of compliments, but no boy ever seems interested in me. "Alright, Jack." My father sighs and scratches the side of his head angrily. "We all understand that _you're_ nervous, but _we_ don't need to suffer. Can we be civilized please?"

"Jack, please apologize." Our mother clears her throat at the other end of the table and raises an eyebrow.

"Sorry…" He mumbles, still staring down at his plate.

The bus ride is nearly silent, except for the murmurings of the gray Abnegation members, who offer their seats to boarding passengers. My eyes follow the buildings above us, as the bus jostles over bumps in the road and my shoulder repeatedly bumps Jack's. At one point he shoves me away hard, but I hardly notice him. My eyes are focused on the train tracks. Some of them are elevated and some of them are level with the few cars on the streets. I don't know why, but as the bus momentarily drives parallel to one of the trains, my heart skips a few beats. I've always been so curious with them and the faction they belong to. These trains belong to the Dauntless.

The bus stops at a tall building, made so similarly to the others in the city. Jack gets up first and swiftly yanks me to a standing position. "Sorry…" I murmur to someone I bump into, as I run down the bus aisle after Jack.

There's a light but steady rain falling, so we both jog up the stairs to the front door of the school. Once we're inside, I run my fingers through my long dark hair, making sure I look semi presentable for today. Then before Jack walks toward his classroom, he turns back to me and smirks. "Don't choke."

"Wasn't playing on it… Good luck, Jack." Something between a laugh and a nervous babbling noise escapes my lips, as he starts toward his science class. I let him walk on for a few seconds, before heading down the same hallway to my math class.

Today the halls are more crowded than usual. Kids are yelling and calling for their friends. Others are running, but I'm striding down the hallway, looking for my best friend. She's usually waiting for me by the door of our math class.

"Blaire!" She yells, jumping directly into my path and jamming her fingers into my sides. A shrill shriek spills from my mouth and immediately my fingers go to cover the sound.

"Bailey, you're an idiot!" I gasp and lean against the wall, glaring at her.

"You're the idiot!" She mutters and grabs my wrist, so that I have no choice but to follow her as she runs to the window at the end of the hallway. "We're going to miss them…" Bailey shoves some of the kids our age aside. Some of them are wearing blue; the others who are wearing gray, step back for us immediately.

The ones in blue start to argue when Bailey pushes, but I sneak under their flailing arms and find myself with the best view. My palms press against the glass as a train whizzes by, not slowing down an ounce. Then the whistle sounds and the iron tracks squeal, as the train hurtles on. One by one bodies cloaked all in black jump from the moving train. Some of the younger kids giggle around me as they watch, but I remain silent. My heart is palpitating excitedly. I cannot begin to imagine the thrill created by jumping out of a _moving_ train. The bravery it must take to do something like that…

"I can't wait…" I say when Bailey is finally leaning against the window with me.

"You sure, you're ready for it? There's no going back, sweetheart." Bailey raises an eyebrow, while biting down on her thin bottom lip. "Are you sure this is really what you want?"

"I'm one hundred and fifty percent sure." My head nods slowly, as I stare at her. "Besides, if my parents didn't suspect this, they don't know me very well…"

"Well then, let the flames begin." She winks and claps her hand against my back.


	3. Chapter 2: They Took your Loved Ones

**Chapter 2: They Took your Loved Ones**

After lunch, we remain in the cafeteria. Every sixteen-year-old is piled into this room and sitting at one of the long tables. Bailey is sitting across from me, as we play a counting game with our fingers. Jack is watching us, occasionally telling Bailey how to beat me, which is irritating. I hate when he does things like that. Jack has always been very advanced in math and science, which I guess gives him the authority to be a know it all.

Thirty minutes go by and I'm tired of playing the finger game, so I turn to face the door. Every couple of minutes, a man comes out and calls ten names at a time. Those kids then stand up and make their way to ten different rooms for their Aptitude Test. I wonder what it's like? My father said you couldn't prepare for this test even if you tried, because the test needs to know how you'll react in an unexpected situation. Apparently your reactions in a random situation show all of your inner traits. I think it's a long stretch, especially for some kids.

All around us, the kids in the cafeteria remain in their faction groups. My eyes fall over each person, and I wonder if in two days, they'll be sitting in the same group. Most of the Abnegation will probably stay in their faction, because once you're selfless, it's hard to be anything else. The Erudite and Candor kids will probably have the greatest amount of faction transfers. Erudite requires knowledge and unfortunately, not everyone is book smart. Candors are the honest ones, who always speak their mind. I know my father wants both Jack and I to stay in Erudite, but if anything, I want Jack to be happy. He's _so_ smart, but he could make it in any faction. And I'll miss him, but he knows where he belongs. Just like I know where I belong.

The Abnegation volunteer opens the door again and looks at his clipboard. He calls two more pairs of kids from each faction. Two from Erudite, Dauntless, Amity, Abnegation, and Candor. For Erudite, he calls Blaire and Jack Lana. My heart momentarily freezes and I shoot Bailey a nervous glance, before I climb to a standing position. The room is silent and every eye is on me. Why? Ten names were called and obviously I'm the most awkward looking. Trying to appear calm, I stride confidently after Jack, and past the Candor table. There are a few whistles and then laughs coming from both the Candor table and the Dauntless table. I want to turn around and punch them all in the face, but I don't. The man stops me at the door and points to the third room across the hall. I nod slightly and step forward, smiling at my brother as he goes the opposite way. My smile falls immediately, as my hand grasps the door handle. I feel like I'm going to throw up. These results decide the rest of my life! What if I screw it up?

After a loud exhale, I turn the knob of room seven and walk in silently, making sure to shut the door behind me. A woman with small dark eyes is waiting for me, wearing a black blazer and black jeans. Mirrors line the walls and I finally see that my cheeks are pink with blush. _It's because I'm nervous… _The woman steps closer and I see that her figure was blocking me from seeing a reclined chair in the center of the bright room. "Come here, sweetheart… Right into the chair, you go."

I nod gently and step toward the chair, my legs almost giving out when I get there. I wiggle around until I'm comfortable and then look back at the woman. "Now what?"

"Eager?" Something between a smile and a smirk creeps over her lips, as she adjusts the headrest for me. The fake leather is cold against my skin and I give a little shiver. I hate going to the doctors, and this chair reminds me of it. "Now just relax… My name is Tori, by the way."

"I don't need to get a needle, do I?" My eyes follow her, as she sits down next to a machine. As she sits, I notice a tattoo on the back of her neck. It's some kind of bird… A hawk maybe.

"Why? Are you afraid of them?" She asks curiously, glancing up at me as she attaches an electrode to her temple. Then she connects a wire to it and walks over to me again.

"I hate them." I mutter, watching her hands nervously. She attaches at least three different wires to me and then to the machine, before handing me a vial of clear liquid.

"Luckily, no needles today… But you have to drink this, unfortunately."

My hands don't move from the armrest. I just stare at her, suddenly struggling to swallow the thick spit that's building up in my throat. "What is it going to do?"

"I can't tell you that… Just get it down." She turns to go back to the machine and I press the vial to my lips, my eyes closing only a few seconds after the liquid is gone. Tori's hawk tattoo is the last thing I see.

My eyes snap open. At first my surroundings are blurry, but they soften and I realize I'm in the cafeteria again. Except it's not full of chatting and laughing teenagers. The room is completely empty aside from two baskets that stand in front of me. I take a hesitant step closer and notice the contents of the baskets. One basket holds a chunk of white cheese and the other, cradles a perfectly smooth and unused knife.

"Choose." A woman murmurs, from what I'm guessing behind me. I turn around immediately, my brows buckled.

"What am I going to do with them?" But there's no woman there and that sends shivers down my spine.

"Choose." The calming voice repeats and I turn back around to the baskets, my hand slowly extending to the knife. I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe I was expecting some kind of trap that would catch my hand when I touched the knife, or some kind of buzzer to sound? Instead, the door at the other end of the room opens. I grip the handle of the knife tightly, completely ignoring the fact that the baskets have disappeared.

A tall dog steps forward, its back tense and its lips curled over sharp white teeth. It growls and my heart falls to my stomach. I have to kill it. Kill it or it will kill me. He creeps closer again; its sharp nails scraping against the ground. My heart starts to pound, as I remember the neighbor's dog jumping on me when I was little. I hate dogs and this dog is no different.

Preparing myself for what's about to happen, the arm with the knife moves a tiny bit and the black dog leaps forward. I scream and fall onto my back, the dog thrashing and barking and trying to sink its teeth into my neck. My empty hand finds its way to the heavy dog's neck and I squeeze, trying to push it far enough away from my face as its jaw snaps repeatedly. Its breath is horrible and warm, and every time the beast continues to bark, drool splashes onto my face. With all of my might, my right hand thrusts up into the dog's stomach. A horrible yelp escapes the dogs throat and it rolls off me, struggling on its side, with the knife still lodged in its stomach. Breathing heavily, I sit up and the cafeteria changes.

I'm standing in the aisle of the bus, much like the one I was on earlier this morning with Jack. All of the seats are taken and I am forced to stand. The man I am facing is reading a newspaper, with his face concealed behind it. Although, his hands are visible. They are scarred and burned horribly… At first I feel bad for him.

"Do you know this man?" He taps the picture on the front page of the newspaper. The man in the photo is young and he has a scraggly black beard. Above his head, the letters form the word 'murderer.'

"I've never seen him." I say bluntly, gripping the pole next to me for balance as the bus speeds on. "Never even heard of him." Immediately I regret being that sharp with my response.

He stands, and I can finally see his face. His mouth reminds me of the dog's, because his lips are almost bent into a snarl. He's wearing black sunglasses and his cheeks are covered in scars. The man moves closer and I step back, the smell of cigarettes filling my nostrils. "You're lying." He growls. "_Lying."_

"I am doing no such thing!" I say angrily.

He grabs my arms, his grip tight. "Yes you are! You're lying!"

"Let go of me!" I snap, stepping back and trying to pry at his fingers. "I don't know him!"

"If you know him, you could save me." He whispers, moving into my face. "You could _save _me."

"Well, I'm sorry!" I yank my arms from his grasp, my teeth clenched. "I don't know him."

When my eyes open, Tori is standing over me, grinning almost evilly. I sit up in the chair, as she removes the electrodes from both of our heads. Droplets of sweat are forming at the base of my neck, as I watch her. I want to know my results. The anticipation and her being silent are both driving me nuts. After she organizes the wires, Tori leans against the armrest of the chair and smirks.

"Hard to believe you were raised an Erudite." She raises an eyebrow.

"Why do you say that?" My voice is raspy, so I clear my throat before speaking again. "There's nothing scientific I could have done in that simulation."

"I don't mean it like that." She rolls her dark eyes. "You're Dauntless through and through, sweetheart."

"Really?" My eyes widen happily. "How do you know?"

"Well… The simulation process moves in a linear fashion, isolating one faction and eliminating the rest." She pushes her hands into her pockets. "If you picked the cheese in the first simulation, that would have suggested Amity, but you picked the knife and you didn't run from the dog, which automatically suggests Dauntless. Also, you lied to the man on the bus, which eliminates Candor."

"But I wasn't lying... I've never seen him before. And besides, what about Erudite? Where was its part in the simulation?" I push my body up more and grasp the armrest. I'm feeling kind of weak, so I stay still for a few seconds.

"Well if you know about dogs, you could've done something besides killing it…"

"I hate dogs."

She watches me curiously and then opens her mouth again. "Do you want to stay in your faction, Blaire? Technically…the results are just suggestions. You don't have to follow them."

"No." My voice is confident but still soft. I don't want to seem arrogant or selfish for wanting to leave my parents. My family has given me so much through the years. I'm not trying to purposely leave them.

"Well… We sure could use a few girls like you." Tori murmurs, staring at the ground as she speaks. "But I'm not you. You need to make this decision, not me. I suggest you go home. You have a lot to think about tonight."

There's a knock on the door and Tori clears her throat, before moving over to help me up. "Thanks…" I say and then smile faintly up at her. As I walk out of the room, I see Jack leaning against a wall, waiting for me. He seems calm and collected, like nothing even happened. I'll never understand my brother. He was nervous for this test, but he's not for the Choosing Ceremony.

"You would never tell me your results, would you?" I ask, near silently on the bus. It's not as crowded this morning, but most of the seats are taken.

Jack turns to me, his lips puckered and his eyebrows furrowed. "You know that we're not supposed to tell_ anyone_. You're included in that, Blaire. I'm not even going to tell mom and dad."

"Well, fine! I'm not telling you either…" Jack rolls his eyes and turns away, as I lean back against the old bus seat and cross my arms. "You'll just have to be surprised tomorrow."

"I can wait." He mutters.

About three hours later, the entire family is seated around our kitchen table. Jack made dinner, well, he defrosted some beef stew ten minutes before our parents got home. My spoon guides chunks of potatoes around the plate, as everyone else eats silently. Never before have I eaten at a silent table. Usually everyone is talking about his or her day at work, school, or even the latest news in the faction. My parents have never been ones to withhold important information from us. For some reason, not many parents talk to their children about political problems anymore… I have to tell Bailey about most of the things that go on in and out of the faction.

"How did your tests go?" My father asks quietly, looking up as he chews his food. His eyes catch mine first and I shrug lazily.

"Fine… It wasn't what I expected."

"The results?" He sets down his fork and then pushes his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.

"No… I meant the actual test. I was not expecting the test to be the way it was."

"Oh…" He nods and then glances at my brother, before taking another bite of stew. "And you, Jack? How was it?"

"Excellent." Jack nods, as he shovels food into his mouth.

"My babies…" Our mother looks up from her plate, with tears in her eyes and her lips curled into a faint smile. "I love you both so much… And I don't care what path you choose tomorrow, your father and I will always love you."

"Cécile… You explained that horribly!" Our father sighs, smirking a bit. He then turns to us. "We'd prefer you both stay here, because you both are amazingly intelligent individuals—"

"But we'll still love you no matter what." Our mother interrupts, giving him a sharp look. She then reaches for one of my hands and one of Jack's. "Just promise me you'll both try your hardest in life? If you do, any faction will be lucky to have either of you!"

My head bobbles on top of my neck awkwardly. It was suppose to resemble a nod, but I doubt anyone understands why my head was just moving so oddly. My mother is so close to tears that her perfectly shaped lips quiver, and that makes me want to cry. I see so much of myself in my mother and I cannot bare the thought of leaving her. I am hardly an adult! I turned sixteen two months ago and tomorrow I am out of the house that I spent my entire childhood in… But I cannot scare myself into staying here forever. I am strong… Tori was right and so is Bailey. I belong in Dauntless. And there's no going back now.

Everyone is upstairs and in their beds. Our house is completely silent and the rooms are all dark. I appreciate the calmness of my room at night. When the lights are off and everything is still, with my body snuggled under the covers, nothing can hurt me, not even the sorrow of leaving this bed for the last time tomorrow morning. I am strong. I can do this. I've been waiting three years for this…

A low creak fills my ears and my eyes find the door slightly cracked open. My mother is standing there in her nightgown, looking at me curiously. "Sorry… I didn't mean to wake you…" She whispers, stepping further into my room and shutting the door behind her.

"You didn't… I've been awake for a few hours."

She sinks onto the mattress slowly and rubs my exposed shoulder. "Thinking?"

"Sort of…" I nod, biting down on my bottom lip. "But I already know what faction I'm choosing... I'm just thinking about what you and dad will do after I leave…" I say quietly, looking up at her.

My mother smiles and shakes her head. "Please do not worry about your father and I, Blaire. We have our jobs, my sister, and two perfect children. Nothing will change that… Not even you transferring to another faction."

"I just… I feel bad for leaving." A long sigh escapes my lips, as I close my eyes.

My mother sighs as well and pulls my covers up, covering my shoulders. In that moment, I realize she will never do that again. My mother has been tucking me in for sixteen years… "I promise you, I will be there on Visiting Day. And although you father won't be pleased, he'll be there too…"

"I love you, Mom…" I murmur, opening my eyes again and staring up at her.

Her chin wobbles a few times, before leaning down to kiss my forehead. "I love you too, sweetheart. I love you so much… You are _so_ _strong_… They will be lucky to have you." She smiles, almost as if she knows and then stands up, swiftly leaving the room. Even after she's gone, I continue staring at the door. For some reason, I cannot tell if I'm dreaming or really awake.


	4. Chapter 3: Slow Heart, Dark Wait

**Chapter 3: Slow Heart, Dark Wait**

The next morning, we are all sitting silently in the family car, as my father drives. My parents only use the car for their trips to work, so I've probably only been in this car three times. I'm not a fan of it, because we're packed into such a small area. I have always gotten claustrophobic quite easily. Next to me, Jack stares out the window, occasionally wiping his palms on his khaki pants. He must be nervous… In the front of the car, my parents hold hands over the center console. Such a little display of affection makes me smile, but there's also a pang of bitterness within me. Besides family, I have never held someone's hand before.

My father parks at the back of the Hub and we all hop out of the car, my eyes toward the sky. The Hub is the tallest building in the city. In fact, it is so tall that clouds usually prohibit people from seeing the last two floors. I remember my father telling Jack and I how the Hub used to be a grand building, used by many different companies. But since everything changed, the five factions are the only ones who occupy it.

Families wearing all different colors are walking toward the entrance of the Hub. Amity families wear red and yellow, Abnegation wear gray, Candor are wearing black and white, Dauntless are of course covered in black, and Erudite wear blue. I'm wearing a navy sweater that's pushed up to my elbows, jeans, brown lace up boots, my reading glasses and my long hair is pulled back into a ponytail. I actually don't know what motivated me to wear my glasses, but I am. We all jostle into the lobby and then make our way over to the elevators, where people are packing themselves into the already cramped area. My father steps in and I grab his elbow, making him glance back at me angrily.

"Please wait for the next one…"

He shakes his head and steps in, pulling me in after him. "We don't want to be late. The next elevator could take fifteen minutes."

My mother and Jack squeeze in with us and the doors slide shut, my heart racing as the elevator begins to rise. What if the elevator were to get stuck? There's about twelve of us in this small space. Due to lack of fresh air, I would most likely die in a little over an hour. When the doors open again, I breathe out and step off immediately. Jack steps off too and hugs his arms around me neck, giving me a warm embrace. I smile and hug him back, finally realizing he will not be coming with me. My own twin… My other half lets go of my neck and makes his way into the room across the hall. This is the room where I will choose the rest of my life.

The room is arranged in concentric circles. On the edges stand the sixteen-year-olds of the different factions. We are not yet considered members. Our decisions today will make us initiates, and we will become members if we complete initiation. They ask for us to be in alphabetical order so I stand between Jack and Brett Kurtz, a Candor boy who smirks and looks me up and down, before getting into the line. Rows of chairs for our families make up the next circle. They are arranged in five sections, according to faction. Not everyone comes to the Choosing Ceremony, but enough of them come that the crowd looks huge and overwhelming.

The responsibility to conduct the ceremony rotates from faction to faction each year, and this year is the Dauntless'. Max, their leader, will give the opening address and read the names in reverse alphabetical order. Jack will choose before me.

In the last circle are five metal bowls so large they could hold a small body. Each one contains a substance that represents each faction: gray stones for Abnegation, water for Erudite, earth for Amity, lit coals for Dauntless, and glass for Candor. When Max calls my name, I will walk to the center of the three circles. I will not speak, but walk confidently toward him. He will then offer me a knife and I will cut my hand, before sprinkling my blood into the bowl of the faction I choose.

My parents follow us to our spot in line, before the ceremony begins. My father leans down and kisses my forehead, before holding each side of my face and tilting my head up. "I love you, Blaire. With all my heart." When my father smiles, two dimples form over his cheeks. He's younger than Bailey's dad. He's actually younger than most of the sixteen-year-olds fathers. His rich brown hair and strong jaw would be striking to almost any female. But my mother and father make a great pair. He then turns and claps Jack on the back, grinning. "See you both soon."

My mother then moves forward, cradling my face in her hands. I try to smile, but I'm afraid I will start crying so I sink my teeth into the inside of my cheek instead. "Remember what I said…" She smiles, her lips quivering again. "No matter what." As soon as she says that, I'm sure that I wasn't dreaming last night. She came into my room and tucked me in one last time.

The room slowly comes to order and I look around at everyone else. I try to skim the line for Bailey, but she is in the very front somewhere, so I will just have to wait. My eyes then move toward the group of Dauntless, but the room is so dark that I can hardly make out any of their faces.

Max stands at the podium, his dark skin appearing eerie against the blue light from lanterns that are hanging from the ceiling. He clears his throat into the microphone, as he readies himself to recite the same speech from previous years. "Welcome." He says. "Welcome to another Choosing Ceremony. Welcome to the day we honor the democratic philosophy of our ancestors, which tells us that every man has the right to chose his own way in this world…" He pauses for a few seconds. "Our dependents are now sixteen. They stand on the precipice of adulthood, and it is now up to them to decide what kind of people they really are." Max clears his throat again. "Decades ago our ancestors realized that it is not political ideology, religious belief, race, or nationalism that is to blame for a warring world. Rather, they determined that is was the fault of human personality—of humankind's inclination toward evil, in whatever form that is. They divided into factions that sought to eradicate those qualities they believed responsible for the world's disarray."

My eyes move to the flaming bowl in the center of the room. It is the bowl I want. The faction I am destined to be a member of. _Dauntless_.

"Those who blamed aggression formed Amity… Those who blamed ignorance became the Erudite… Those who blamed duplicity created Candor… Those who blamed selfishness made Abnegation… And those who blamed cowardice were the Dauntless."

My heart goes fuzzy when I hear him speak the name. Max will be my new leader… The person I am supposed to worship, instead of Jeanine Matthews. I want to spill my blood for Dauntless now. I want to, I want to… The motto they preach to us in Faction History. _Faction before blood. _More than family, our factions are we belong. I belong in Dauntless.

"Working together, these five factions have lived in peace for many years, each contributing to a different sector of society. Abnegation has fulfilled our need for selfless leaders in government; Candor has provided us with trustworthy and sound leaders in law; Erudite has supplied us with intelligent teachers and researchers; Amity has given us understanding counselors and caretakers; and Dauntless provides us with protection from threats both within and without. But the reach of each faction is not limited to these areas. We give one another far more than can be adequately summarized. In our factions, we find meaning, we find purpose, we find life… Apart from them, we would not survive."

The silence that follows his words is heavier than other silences. It is heavy with our worst fear, greater even than the fear of death. The fear of being factionless…

Max continues. "Therefore this day marks a happy occasion—the day on which we receive our new initiates, who will work with us toward a better society and a better world."

There is a round of applause, but my hearing is muffled. Instead, I am still focused on the flames radiating from the coals in the Dauntless bowl. Then Max reads the first names and I recognize them. They are all kids I've gone to school with since I was six… And now I watch as they choose the rest of their lives. Droplets of blood fall into each bowl and then the new member moves toward the faction's group of seats. The room is constantly moving, a new name and a new person choosing, a new knife and a new choice.

The first faction transfer comes from a little blonde girl named Emalia Roads, who was originally from Abnegation. Her long blonde hair trails behind her as she walks calmly out of the line and up to Max, who hands her the knife. She breathes deeply and accepts the knife from him. Then she drags it across her palm with a jerk and holds her arm out, her lips quivering with pain. The droplets of blood fall onto the bowl of earth and immediate murmurs erupt from the Abnegation section.

From now on they will see this perfect little girl as a traitor. Her family will have the option of visiting her in the new faction, a week and a half from now on Visiting Day, but they most likely will not, because she left them. Her absence will haunt their hallways, and she will be a space they can't fill. Humans cannot tolerate emptiness for long. I'm going to be just like this girl. I will leave my faction and I will become a traitor to my family.

"Jack Lana." Max mutters into the microphone.

Jack's hand brushes over my arm one last time, and then without looking at me, he walks away. I can feel tears rising in my eyes as we separate. My twin brother… He was my partner in crime, the only boy I could tell everything without him telling anyone. It suddenly feels like someone has punched through my chest and ripped out my heart. There's an urge to run after him and never let him go. But I cannot do that. I have to stay strong. Jack's feet move toward the center of the room, and his hands, steady as they accept the knife from Max, are precise as one presses the knife into the other. Then he stands with blood pooling in his palm, his jaw clenched apprehensively.

He breathes out and then in. And then holds his hand over the Erudite bowl. His blood drips into the water, turning it a deeper shade of red. For some reason, my body goes numb. I will be the only transfer in our family… Soon my father will be considering Jack his only child, because I am a traitor. But my mother said everything would be okay. She will love me no matter what faction I choose.

"Blaire Lana." Max's voice is the only thing I hear. I step out of the line and force myself forward. My feet hit the ground hard, as I stride confidently to Max. My eyes catch Jack's and his face is pale, he's never seen me so determined. Jack knows I'm not coming back. I have to think of myself…_my_ future.

Max offers me a knife. I look up into his dark eyes, before unfalteringly taking the knife. He nods and watches as I drag the blade across my left palm. It stings but I barely notice. I look in my parent's direction one last time, before thrusting my arm in front of my body and listening to my blood sizzle on the coals. There are mutters that lift into outraged cries, as I stand behind the Dauntless-born initiates who have chosen their own faction. A smirk stretches across my lips, as the Erudite section continues to whisper to each other. They are whispering about me. I am a now a traitor to them and I didn't know that could be so freeing.

"Quiet, please…" Max sighs and glances at the Erudite section. The Dauntless boys in front are taller than me, so I have to stand on my tippy toes to see the rest of the people choose. Bailey is the last girl to choose and she spills her blood over the Dauntless bowl. I don't feel so alone anymore. My best friend causes quite a stir in the Erudite section as well. This time it's her family that looks petrified for their daughter.

The Dauntless exit first. I walk past Abnegation and then the blue-clothed men and woman who where my faction. My eyes scan the crowd at the last second before I pass, and immediately I wish I hadn't. My father's jaw is dropped incredulously. His only daughter leaving with the Dauntless. They are very different than the faction I came in with. Then I search the same crowd for Jack, but the people behind press me forward, away from my family.

The crowd of Dauntless leading us go to the stairs instead of the elevators. I've never used these stairs. Then everyone starts running and I hear whoops and laughter all around me, dozens of thundering feet moving at different rhythms. There are a few annoyed murmurs from behind me and then I hear her. "_MOVE! _You run _so_ slow…" Then there's a hand on my wrist and I squeal, hugging her awkwardly as we continue to run.

"I'm so glad you transferred, Bails…" I giggle, still jogging behind the concerned looking boys in front of us.

"Are you kidding? I had to… You looked so damn cool when you walked up to Max!" She trots alongside me and then ties her wavy blonde hair into a ponytail, as I laugh. She's right. I might've overdone the whole _determined_ thing.

"What the hell is going on?" The blonde boy next to us shouts.

Bailey and I just laugh up at him and run faster, racing past the other Dauntless. We continue running, going from floor to floor, and sometimes bumping into the older members. When we reach the first floor, we burst through the exit. The crisp air is fresh on my face.

The Dauntless sprawl across the street, blocking the two cars on the road, and we continue to sprint. We make it to the front of the pack, behind the two older Dauntless, when Bailey's breathing becomes shallow. I nudge her, smiling faintly. "Almost there." She nods and bites down on her bottom lip, making me nervous. Bailey has had asthma since she was little and running this far is probably hard on her lungs. But she's okay… Her parents believed that she grew out of it. The pack in front of us turns a corner just as the familiar sound of a train horn fills the crisp air. It's a good thing I've watched the Dauntless get on and off this train a countless amount of times.

The crowd of us spread out in a long ling, still running carefully. The train glides toward us on steel rails, its light flashing, its horn blaring. The door of each car is open, waiting for the Dauntless to pile in, and they do, group by group, until only the new initiates are left. The Dauntless-born initiates are used to doing this by now, but then again Bailey and I have probably watched as many times as they have actually jumped, and we don't want to be stuck with the nervous faction transfers.

I side step a few times, pulling on Bailey's wrist and we take a jogging start. Then with all of my might, I leap toward the train, my hands latching onto a metal bar and my body continuing to fall forward. I try to catch my balance, but I stumble forward and knock heads with someone. He grunts and grabs my shoulders, keeping my body at a distance from his. I recognize him immediately. He's one of the boy's from Candor who whistled at me yesterday, before my Aptitude Test. "Watch yourself…" He smirks and slowly looks me up and down. "Erudite, huh?"

"Yes, how'd you come up with that? My glasses or the blue sweater?" I cross my arms over my chest, staring up at him.

He does the same and glowers down at me, his dark green eyes sharp. "Just wondering, sweetheart… No need to get defensive."  
"_Sweetheart?"_ Bailey comes up behind me, resting her arm on my shoulders and laughing. "Already making friends?"

"Hardly." I mutter and start to turn away from the boy with the green eyes.

"Aw, don't be like that…" He chuckles and leans against the wall of the train, some of the other initiates watching us now. "What're your names?"

"I'm Bailey Adams." She smiles proudly. "And this happy little girl is Blaire Lana."

"Blaire Lana?" One of his friends repeats, as he steps forward. I recognize him as well. He has messy brown hair and freckles. Actually, he's very attractive and I think Bailey realizes that as well, because she's staring.

"Yeah, why? Did I stutter?" She giggles.

"No… I was just going to say she caused quite a stir." He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. "Your brother didn't transfer, did he?"

I shake my head slowly, my heart breaking into a million pieces again. I wonder what Jack is doing right now? Is he in the headquarters yet? I wonder what his initiation tests will be like? "No. He stayed…"

"They're jumping off!" Someone yells from another cart. Bailey pulls her hair to one side and clears her throat. A long sigh escapes my lips, before I lift my head and stand up. At first, my legs are stiff. We've been sitting almost silently for the past twenty minutes, listening to the roaring wind and the city smear past us. Although now, the train has slowed down, and the boy who shouted is right: The Dauntless in the cars ahead of us are jumping out as the train passes a rooftop. The tracks we are on are seven stories up.

The idea of leaping out of a moving train onto a rooftop, knowing there is a gap between the edge of the roof and the edge of the track, should make me nauseous. But I'm not. My heart is racing and Bailey is pulling me toward the car door. The Candor boy with the messy hair sticks his head of the window and gives a panicked chuckle.

"This is insane! We'll never make it…"

"This is what we signed up for…" Bailey smirks and reaches down, intertwining her fingers with mine. I nod and we both turn our heads to watch as the roof barrels closer.

"On three, Bails…"

She exhales loudly and squeezes my hand so hard, I'm afraid it'll break. "One…two…three…"

And for a few seconds, I'm flying. The air feels good against my cheeks and blows my ponytail out behind me. And then I hit the solid ground hard and there's pain. My eyes open slowly and I let go of Bailey's hand, realizing I'm kneeling on the rooftop. There's a few giggles next to me and I turn to my left, looking down at Bailey, who's lying on her back and cracking up. "Having fun yet?" I mutter sarcastically.

"Heaps!" She smiles.

"Need help up?" The two Candor boys are suddenly standing above us. The one with the dark green eyes holds a hand out for me and I nod.  
I grasp his hand and pull myself up, ignoring Bailey as she laughs with the other boy. She may be in it for the social aspect, but I'm in it to work. I'm not here for a boyfriend. These boys may think I'm all smiles and small muscles, but I'll do anything it takes to become a Dauntless member. I am stronger than they think. I am brave.

My eyes scan the rooftop and I see a group of initiates all crowded around the edge, with one girl in a red shirt on her knees and sobbing. Someone must've fallen, but I can't afford to think about that. I can never let them see me cry. That is how things work here. They do dangerous things and people die. People die and then we move on the next dangerous thing.

"Listen up! For those of you who don't already know, my name is Max! I am one of the leaders of your new faction." The man who just spoke at the ceremony shouts from the other end of the roof. In the natural lighting, I can tell he is older than any of the others. He has deep creases in his dark skin and gray hair around his temples, and he stands on the ledge like it's a sidewalk. "Several stories below is the members' entrance to our compound. If you can't muster the will to jump off, you don't belong here. Our initiates have the privilege of going first."

The small group of initiates are completely silent, some of them staring at Max with dropped jaws. Some of them step back, while others quickly look away, hoping he won't pick someone to go first. But I want to jump first… And I don't think anyone else here has enough courage to be the first.

"Staring at him isn't going to solve your problems." Smirking, I push through two Candor girls and stride toward Max, leaving Bailey with the boys from our train cart.

"True." Max looks amused, as I step forward. He must remember me from the ceremony.

"What's below it if I go?" My voice is quiet, but still strong.

"Who knows?" He raises an eyebrow and steps aside for me.

"Don't do it!" A black girl in a blue dress shouts. She's obviously from Erudite, but I can't seem to remember her.

"Why not?" A scoff erupts from my throat. "They're not going to purposely kill _all_ of the initiates. It's just the scare tactic…" My feet continue toward the edge of the building and finally I look down. For all I know, there is no bottom. I mean, I don't see one now… All there is, is black. The wind blows, fluttering the back of my ponytail and making me smile. It's a good thing I'm not afraid of heights.

"If you're so tough, jump already!" Someone yells.

"Not so brave now, huh?"

I swallow the thick spit in the back of my throat one more time, taking in the small amount of visible things beneath me, and then turn around so that I face them. Then I push my glasses further up my nose and exhale slowly.

"I knew she wouldn't do it…" A girl laughs.

But instead of taking my time to think of a comeback, I simply relax my body and fall backwards off the ledge. At first there's gasps, but then the air howls in my ears and the sky becomes harder and harder for me to see. My heart pounds so hard it hurts, every muscle in my body is tense, as I'm consumed by the darkness…

Then I hit something hard. It gives way beneath me and cradles my body. I lie still for a few moments, as my heart struggles to slow itself. Then I sit up and look around. A few people are crowded around the net, their hands stretching out to me. She smiles and easily pulls me off the net. "Congratulations on being the first to jump." She smirks and raises her right eyebrow, which has three silver rings through it.

"Um… Thanks." My voice is still weak after just jumping off the roof. The adrenaline has suddenly left my hands shaky.

"Aw, poor thing. She's shaking." A boy maybe year older than me chuckles quietly and stands next to her. He has a strong jaw and his dark blue eyes are so deep-set that his eyelashes touch the skin under his eyebrows. He is uniquely attractive.

"Most of them shake, Four. You did too."

"Did not." He smirks playfully at her and my eyebrow buckle. Four? Is that his real name?

"What's your name?" Lauren rolls her eyes and looks away from Four.

"Blaire…" I clear my throat and tuck a fallen piece of hair behind my ear.

The boy—Four—looks over his shoulder and shouts. "First jumper—Blaire!"

A crowd materializes from the darkness as my eyes adjust. They cheer and pump their fists, and then another person drops into the net. The Candor boy with green eyes. He grunts on impact and breathes out loudly and sits up, forcing more cheers out of the crowd. The Lauren girl turns away from the net and winks at me. "Welcome to Dauntless."


	5. Chapter 4: It's All in Your Mind

**Chapter 4****:****It's All in Your Mind**

When the initiates stand on solid ground again, Lauren and Four lead us down a narrow tunnel. The walls are made of stone and the ceiling slopes, so I feel like I am descending deep into the heart of the earth. Then tunnel is lit at pieces, so in the dark space between each dim lamp I feel that I am lost until a shoulder bumps mine. In the circles of light I am found again. Bailey walks next to me silently, her body very tense as she moves. I haven't been able to talk to her since the rooftop, and I have a feeling something is wrong.

The whole crow stops moving, and our three leaders stand in front of us, arms folded.

"This is where we divide." Lauren says. "The Dauntless-born initiates are with me. I figured you don't need a tour." She smiles and beckons toward the Dauntless-born initiates, who are in the front of the crowd anyway. They then break away from the group and continues into the shadows. When they are no longer visible, I glance around at who is left. Most of the initiates were Dauntless-born, so there aren't many left… I'd say there is about eight of us. From what I can see there are three Erudite, four Candor, and one Amity. The majority are also boys, which worries me.

Four addresses us next. "Most of the time I work in the control room, but for the next few weeks I'm your instructor." He says calmly. "My name is Four."

The boy with freckles, who apparently likes to flirt with Bailey, snickers immediately. "What's your real name?"

"Four." He repeats, his eyes narrowed.

"Doubt that..." He smirks and crosses his arms.

Four walks up to the boy and leans his face closer. His eyes still narrowed, Four stares for a second. "Are we going to have a problem?" He hisses quietly.

The boy turns bright red suddenly and shakes his head. "No… Of course not."

"Good." Four backs away and glances around at us. "Every other smart-mouthed Candor better take some notes, because the first lesson you will learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got that?" The entire crowd nods and Four starts toward the shadow at the end of the tunnel. "Now I'll show you the Pit." We follow him in silence. Now I know to watch myself around Four. I'm actually glad that I wasn't the first one getting in trouble.

Four pushes a set of double doors open and we walk into an underground cavern, so huge I can't see the other end of it. Uneven rock walls rise several stories above my head. Built into stonewalls are places for food, clothing, supplies, leisure activities. Narrow paths and steps carved from rock connect them. There are no barriers to keep people from falling over the side. A slant of orange light stretches across one of the rock walls. Forming the roof of the Pit are panes of glass and above them is a building that lets in sunlight. It must have looked like just another city building when we passed it on the train.

Blue lanterns dangle at random locations above the stone paths, similar to the ones that lit the Choosing room. They grow brighter as the sunlight dies. People are everywhere, all dressed in black, all shouting and talking, expressive, gesturing. I don't see any elderly people in the crowd. Are there any old Dauntless? Do they not last long?

A group of children run down a narrow path with no railing and I can't help but smile. I've never seen such small Dauntless children. I'd say they are about seven or eight years old. Something is wonderful about their innocent chaos.

"If you follow me…" Four says and waves us forward. "I'll show you the chasm." Four is quite plain looking from the front, compared to other Dauntless members in the Pit. He has no piercings and his hair is normal too. But when he turns around, I see a tattoo peeking out from the collar of his T-shirt. What I'd give for him to take his shirt off and show us… Is that weird?

He leads us to the right side of the Pit, which is conspicuously dark. I squint and see that the floor I stand on now ends at an iron barrier. As we approach the railing, I hear a roar—water crashing against rocks. I look over the side and my stomach drops. The floor ends at a sharp angle, and several stories below us is a river. Gushing water strikes the wall beneath me and sprays upward. To our left, the water is calmer, but to our right, it is white and battling with the rock.

"This chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy!" Four shouts, his voice hardly audible over the sound of the rushing water. "A jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and it will happen again. You've been warned."

"What do you say, Blaire?" Bailey nudges me gently with her elbow and smirks. "We could do it."

"No…" I say, a sudden shiver climbing my spine. "That's something I would never do…" Bailey might not know the extreme of it but I hate water. I never learned how to swim. I actually almost drowned when I was seven.

Four starts walking again and we all shuffle after him, moving across the Pit toward a gaping hole in the wall. The room beyond us is well-lit enough that I can see where we're going; a dining hall full of people and clattering silverware. When we walk in, the Dauntless inside applaud. They stamp their feet. They shout. The noise surrounds me and warms me up. I belong here. These people are just like me.

We look around for empty seats, before sitting at a mostly empty table. Bailey sits down across from me and the two Candors follow us. The one with the green eyes sits down next to me and yawns, resting his head in his hands. Bailey slides over for the other one and starts talking with him immediately. Typical Bailey. She's always been like this… My brother used to say she was easy and even though she is my best friend, I believe him. Bailey is always with a boy. She flirts with them as often as she can and the next thing you know, she's talking to me about how he is in bed. I've never done anything like that… I've never even kissed someone.

Four silently takes a seat on my other side and reaches for the platter of food. On it is a pyramid of hamburgers and a bowl of red sauce. "Aren't you hungry?" He mutters, before biting into the beef.

"Yeah…" The boy next to me reaches for a hamburger too. "Is your food good?"

"I like it…" He shrugs and continues chewing. "But the chocolate cake is the best. You can only get it at dinner though." Four sets the hamburger down and looks at the four of us. "What're your names again?"

Bailey turns away from the Candor boy and gives Four a charming smile. "I'm Bailey Adams."

The boy next to her clears his throat. "Zayn."

Four nods slowly and glances at the boy with the green eyes and then me. "You two?"

"Brett."

"I'm Blaire." My voice comes out quieter than I expected to, but I'm more focused on the young man wandering into the cafeteria. There's a hush that follows his steps and other members watch him as he stares at our table. The man appears to be about the same age as Four, but he looks much different. This man is the epitome of Dauntless. His face is pierced in so many places I lose count, and his hair is long and dark. But that isn't what makes him look menacing. It is the coldness of his eyes as they sweep across the room.

"Who's that?" Brett lowers his eyes, watching carefully.

"Eric..." I murmur, nibbling on my bottom lip.

"You know him?" Four asks quietly, his head snapping to mine. "He's a Dauntless leader..."

"Really?" I ask unconsciously, still staring at Eric. Something about him makes my stomach nauseous. But the scary part is how fast my heart is thumping. I know him. He transferred from Erudite last year… He lived a few houses down from mine.

The table silences as he drops into the seat across from Four. He offers no greeting. I wonder if he remembers me? "So who are you?" He finally asks, glancing up at me as he reaches for something to eat.

"Me?" My cheeks suddenly go red. Immediately all my hopes of him recognizing me are shattered.

Eric rolls his eyes and drags his tongue across his bottom lip, which is covered in rings. "I'm sorry you're slow, aren't you? Would you like me to repeat the question?" He smirks.

Once again my cheeks go red, this time I'm probably the color of the red sauce on the table. "I'm Blaire…" I say after a few seconds.

He raises an eyebrow, which is also heavily pierced, and then taps his fingers against the table. His knuckles are scabbed over in certain places, right where they would split if he punched something too hard. Becoming a member in this faction has definitely changed him. I'm not sure if it was a good or bad thing, but he never had any piercings. Now he has at least ten on his face. "That's _right_… You're the Lana girl, aren't you…? I remember when they called your name at the ceremony."

"You do?"

He nods and rubs his temples. "You're Jeanine Mason's niece, right?"

For a few seconds, I'm stunned as to how he would know that. It's true, and my family is very important, but I still don't understand the connection. If he didn't know my name, how could he have remembered that? "Um… Well, yeah."

"Interesting." He glances at Four, who is suddenly very tense. "I noticed your family did not appreciate your transfer…"

"My father didn't." I shrug lazily and pick at the bread on my hamburger. "And my brother didn't know…"

Eric laughs softly and claps his palms to the table, before standing up. The rings in his eyebrow catch the light, as he leans closer to me. "Faction before blood..." He mutters and reaches over, snatching the glasses off the bridge of my nose. "Welcome to Dauntless." Eric then straightens, giving Four a look. "Max wants to see you soon." Then he turns on his heel and strides out of the dining hall, cracking my glasses in half as he goes.

Four raises an eyebrow and turns to me. "How do you know him?"

The air I've been holding in since Eric first asked my name, escapes my lips slowly and my body relaxes. Forget about being cautious around Four, Eric is the one I have to worry about. "I… We were in the same faction…" Swallowing uneasily, I shake my head and look at Four again. "He used to live a few houses down from my parents' house, and he looked nothing like that."

Brett chuckles. "What's the big deal? He obviously was not cut out for…whatever you Erudite do."

"We end up being scientists, doctors, and teachers." I roll my eyes, at how stupid he must be.

Four shakes his head, ignoring both Brett and I. "Okay… So you and Eric know each other, and you're related to Jeanine Matthew's? How come I wasn't aware of this earlier?"

"Because I go by Blaire _Lana_. You wouldn't know I was related to Jeanine, unless you knew my mother's maiden name. But most likely, you would know my father."

"Adam." Zayn clears his throat and looks up from his plate. "Adam Lana, my father talks about him all the time."

"Why?" Bailey giggles a bit, still desperately trying to be flirty.

"Because my father was from Amity and Blaire's father has been working with Amity for three years now, trying improve solar power and grow artificial food. He always says how the Lana's are going to keep everyone from starving."

I can't help but smile at that. To hear that other people appreciate my father makes me value him even more. It's too bad he's back at the house, probably sitting in the family room, wondering why I transferred factions.

After dinner, Four disappears without a word and Eric leads us down a series of dimly lighted hallways, without speaking. Bailey and I are in the front of the group, while Brett and Zayn are in the back. I can't help but watch Eric as he walks. He has strong shoulders and a tense, but confident posture. Eric just gives off the air of a leader.

He stops in front of a wooden door and folds his arms, as we all gather around him. "For those of you who don't already know, my name is Eric." He says calmly. "I am one of five leaders of the Dauntless. We take the initiation process very seriously here, so I volunteered to oversee most of you training." Eric's dark eyes scan the entire crowd, before stopping on mine and smirking slightly.

I'm suddenly very nauseous. The idea of a Dauntless leader overseeing our initiation is bad enough, but having _him_ here makes it even worse. I don't know what it is about Eric, but he's always made feel awkward.

"Some ground rules." He clears his throat "You have to be in the training room by eight o'clock every day. Training takes place everyday from eight to six, with a break for lunch. You are free to do whatever you like after six. You will also get some time off between each stage of initiation." He stops for a few seconds and leans against the wall. "Oh! And you are only permitted to leave the compound when accompanied by a Dauntless. Now… Behind this door is the room where you will be sleeping for the next few weeks."

"Where are the Dauntless-born sleeping?" Someone from the back of the crowd asks.  
Eric picks at something on his hand. "In the first stage of initiation, we keep transfers and Dauntless-born initiate separate, but that doesn't mean you are evaluated separately. At the end of initiation, your rankings will be determined in comparison with the Dauntless-born initiates. And they are better than you already. So I expect—"

"Rankings?" Bailey's eyes widen. "What do you mean? Why are we ranked?"

Eric chuckles, and in the blue light, his smile looks wicked. "Your ranking serves two purposes." He shrugs lazily. "The first is that it determines the order in which you will select a job after initiation. There are only a few _desirable_ positions available. The second purpose is that only the top ten initiates are made members."

"_What?"_ Bailey's jaw drops, and I elbow her in the ribs.  
"Shut up!"

Eric steps forward and glances from me to Bailey. "I thought Erudite were smart? Am I going to have to keep repeating myself for you?"

"No I—"

"There are ten Dauntless-borns, and eight of you at the moment. Four initiates will be cut at the end of stage one. The remainder will be cut after the final test, so I'd start to work on your listening skills."

Bailey's fingers are suddenly searching for mine. She's scared and I don't blame her. Eight initiates will not be members, and there are only five girls out of all eighteen of us. Our chances are not good.

"What do we do if we're cut?" Brett pushes toward the front of the group.

"You leave the Dauntless compound." Eric says indifferently. "And live factionless." Bailey squeezes my hand and I squeeze right back. We are strong. We will be members. It has to happen.

"But that's not fair!" Brett says angrily.

Eric's eyes lower and his wicked smile melts, as he stares at the green-eyed Candor. "Are you saying that if you had _known_ about our initiation process before the Choosing Ceremony, you wouldn't have chosen Dauntless? Eric snaps. "Because if that's the case, you should get out now. You are a coward." With one hard shove, the door to the dormitory opens and Eric steps aside for us. "Goodnight."

All eight of us are in our own beds. My covers are wrapped around my body so tightly that I cannot untangle my arms. For some reason it's reassuring to be so securely enfolded in a blanket. It reminds me that just last night, my mother tucked me in. I miss her already…

Under my head is my blue sweater. Even though I changed into clothes the Dauntless have provided us with, I can't get rid of this sweater. It reminds me of home. My comfy bed, my room, Jack, and my parents… Heat swells behind my eyes as I think of home and when I blink tears start to slip out. I'm used to my smooth sheets, not these itchy ones. I'm used to waking up to the smell of toast and eggs. I'm used to Jack's sarcastic humor at dinner.

The next time I will see my parents will be on Visiting Day. My mother said she promised to be here with Dad, even though he'd probably protest. I can't cry now. _I can't. _I must to make my parents proud and become a member of my new faction.

There's a sob from the bed next to mine and it my heart drops. I roll over slowly and focus on Bailey's bed. She's laying still, her face to the ceiling and her mouth open, as she sobs. If anyone else in this room was crying and I'm sure someone else is, I wouldn't go to them. But Bailey is my best friend and she's the only one I have left. So I kick my covers off carefully and jump off my bed, before climbing onto hers.

Bailey turns to me immediately, her eyes are wet and so are her cheeks. "Blaire…" She murmurs and wiggles around, so that she's facing me.

"Shh…" I crawl under her covers and run my fingers over her cheeks, drying her tears. "Don't cry. We're going to be okay, I promise."

"I miss my mom." She sniffles and wraps her arm around my waist. "You should've seen her face, Blaire! I was the only thing she had and I left her."

"But it's what you wanted, Bails…" I whisper. "You have to think about yourself sometimes. This is your future."

She sighs and hugs me tightly, before closing her eyes. "Thank you." I close my eyes also and quickly drift off into a deep sleep.


	6. Chapter 5: Arise and Be All You Dreamed

**Chapter 5: Arise and Be All You Dreamed**

"The first thing you will learn is how to shoot a gun." Four presses a gun into my palm without looking and keeps walking. "The second thing is how to win a fight, so for the first few days, that is what we will be doing." Once everyone has their own gun, Four leans against a table and faces us. "Initiation is divided into three stages. We will measure your progress and rank you according to your performance in each stage. The stages are not weighed equally in determining your final rank, so it is possible, although difficult to drastically improve your rank over time. For those worried, Eric and I were both in your position last year, so _obviously_ this process is achievable."

As Four continues to talk, I inspect the weapon in my grasp. The cold metal sends a shiver down my spine as I toss it back and forth in my hands. It's so weird holding a gun. It feels dangerous, as if touching it could hurt someone.

"We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear." Four fiddles with the gun in his hand. "Therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental."

My fingers slide across the smooth surface of the black gun. I wonder what my father would think if he saw me holding a gun? I actually never asked his opinion on guns, but he did not use kind words when it came to Dauntless force.

Brett nudges me and I look up at him, my eyebrows raised. "What?"

"Everyone watch me. This is information you may need later in stage one…" Four turns to face the wall with the targets on it—one square of plywood with three red circles on it for each of us. He stands with his feet apart, holds the gun in both hands, and fires. The sound is louder than I expected and in my peripheral vision, I see Bailey flinch. Craning around to check the target, I notice a bullet hole through the middle circle. If I mimic Four's posture and the way he held the gun, I should be okay.

We all turn toward our target and I set my feet shoulder-width apart, carefully wrapping both hands around the handle of the gun. Then I position it away from my face and pull the trigger, hesitantly at first and then harder. The bang hurts my ears and the recoil sends my hands back, toward my nose. I stumble back a step, but then compose myself before checking to see if anyone was watching. Bailey is aiming her gun at her target with her left eye squinted and her shoulders tense. On my other side, Brett stands with his arms crossed and his eyes on mine.

"You're supposed to _hit_ the target, you know?" He grins and points in the direction of the targets. "I think you might've hit the Amity kid's."

I roll my eyes. "It's the first time I've ever even _touched_ a gun, thank you very much."

Brett holds his hands up defensively and smirks. "Then by all means, continue practicing."

Gritting my teeth, I turn again and aim for a few seconds before squeezing the trigger hard. This time my feet stay planted and I can't help but feel a presence behind me.

"You've _never_ shot at something before?"

"No… This is my first time."

Four snatches the gun from my hand and pulls the clip out, counting the bullets to himself softly. "You've only shot twice?"

"Yeah, why…? What's wrong?" I finally spin around to face him, my arms crossed.

"No one's ever hit the center target on their first two tries." He fixes the safety and shoves the gun into my chest.

"I hit the target?" I smirk and hold the gun in my hands again, searching for the mark on my red circle. And there it is, directly in the center of the board. "I hit the target…"

"Do it again." Four's big hands are suddenly on my waist. He pulls me back a few steps into him and then pushes my arms up and away from my body. His fingers slide down my arms gently and I shiver. I don't like him touching me like that. I don't feel comfortable with him forcing my body to press against his.

"W-What are you doing?" My voice is nervous and shaky when it comes out, but it displays exactly how I feel. I can learn how to perfect my shooting skills without his help.

Four looks down at me and raises an eyebrow. "Fixing your posture, why?"

"I didn't ask you to start…groping around…" I wiggle out of his grasp quickly, blushing as I step away from him.

"I wasn't—"

"Oh, please." Rolling my eyes, I turn back around to the target and raise my arms to aim. Then I pull the trigger, and the bullet lands right next to the first hole. "The slightest chance of being able to touch me…"

Four scoffs and strolls over, pushing my gun down. "_Don't_ flatteryourself, princess… I was just making sure you don't shoot anyone's eye out."

I smirk slightly and point to the target, which has two bullet holes directly in the center. "Obviously, I don't need you help."

Bailey is walking alongside me, but she's hardly paying attention. She is laughing and blabbering on with Zayn, who is smiling triumphantly. To be honest, the look he gives Bailey is disturbing. How can she not see that he's not interested in anything but getting into her pants? I mean, just the sneer he is sporting around should be a warning. But then again I guess Bailey likes that. She doesn't care about his intentions, because she wants the same thing he does.

"Where do you want to sit?" Brett asks as we wander into the cafeteria.

"Um… I don't care." My eyes scan the room, before I follow Brett to a table. I want to see Eric again. I want him to come and sit with us.

Bailey and Zayn sit down across from us and I roll my eyes, before reaching for food. She couldn't be any more rude right now. I came to her rescue last night when she was crying and now she's completely ignoring me. I understand if she likes this Zayn kid, but Bailey is capable of talking to more than one person.

"So why'd you transfer factions?" Brett asks, while biting into a roll he drenched in gravy.

I shrug and scoop some peas onto a fork. "I've wanted to be Dauntless for years… Plus, I'm smart, but not smart enough for Erudite initiation."

"How do you know that?" He laughs. "Your family is brilliant."

"My_ family_ is brilliant... I'd rather be covered in tattoos and dressed in all black." Smirking, I push the fork into my mouth and eat some of the peas.

"Ah. So you're one of those girls?" Brett turns to me, grinning.

"One of those girls…" I say skeptically. "What does that mean?"

He shrugs and takes another bite of food. "I don't know… You're a rebel, I guess. One of the girls I'd actually be scared of if you came after me."

Smirking, I look down at the table and nod my head. "You're right about that one."

After lunch, Four leads us to a new room. It's huge, with a wood floor that is cracked and creaky and has a large circle painted in the middle. On the left wall is a green board—a chalkboard. My lower level teachers used them, but I haven't seen one since then. Maybe it has something to do with Dauntless priorities: training comes first, technology comes second.

Our names are written on the board in alphabetical order. Hanging at three-foot gaps along one end of the room are faded black punching bags. We file in behind them, where Four stands in the middle, where we can all see him.

"As I said this morning, next you will learn how to fight." Four says. "The purpose of this is to prepare you to act; to prepare your body to respond to threats and challenges—which you will need, if you intend to survive life as a Dauntless." Four's eyes fall on mine. "We will go over technique today and tomorrow you will start to fight each other. So I recommend that you pay attention. Those of you who don't learn fast will get hurt."

Immediately I think of Bailey, because she's not only a slow learner. She's just not a learner in general. I can't tell you how many times she got in trouble for falling asleep in our classes.

Four names a few different punches, demonstrating each one as he does, first against the air and then the punching bag. Then he dismisses us and we find our own punching bag.

All around me is the sound of skin hitting tough fabric. I catch on quickly, just like with the gun. I need a few tries to figure out how to hold my shoulders. Then I try to kick a few times. I almost fall over the first time, but then I get used to it. The punching bag stings my hands and feet, turning my skin red, but I push through the pain. I need the practice.

Next thing I know, Four is talking quietly to someone on the other side of the room. I stop for a few seconds and turn, seeing Eric leaning against the wall and biting into a bright green apple. My stomach immediately twists at the sight of him. _Why is he here?_ Don't leaders have anything better to do than watch pathetic initiates punch at bags? I go back to practicing, just as he starts to wander through the crowd of initiates, watching us as we go through the movements again.

Eric stops at the Candor girl and scoffs, before grabbing her hand in mid-punch. "If you keep punching like that you're going to break your own wrist, you idiot. Straighten your arms."

The girl nods nervously as he backs away and continues through the room. After a few minutes of pacing he strides over to me and stops, his eyes trailing over my body. I can't help but blush. I've always hated when people observe me work, because I know they're judging me. But unlike a teacher's gaze, his is hardly scientific. His eyes stay planted on my hips as I punch the bag repeatedly. More anger bubbles by the second and my pace slows.

"Don't slow down." He smirks and twists a few of the rings in his bottom lip with his tongue.

"Oh, you're a pig." I snap, turning to face him.

"Harsh, sweetheart…" Eric stops the bag from moving and then crosses his arms. "I'm just here to critique you."

"More like stare at my ass…" I mutter and punch the bag one more time, sending it swinging in his direction. Then I shove past him and stride out of the room.

"You know, Eric was pretty pissed when you walked out of training." Bailey says, her mouth full of chocolate cake.

"I really only left five minutes early…"

"Still." She shrugs, chewing her food slowly as we walk. "He looked furious."

"Well he's disgusting."

Bailey rolls her eyes. "You think every guy is disgusting… Maybe he was going to help you, but you freaked out before he said anything? Now no one will know."

"Oh well." I wrap my arm around her neck and smile. "What are you going to get, Bails?"

She thinks for a few seconds and hugs me back. "A heart."

"A heart?" Smirking, I open the door of the tattoo parlor. "That's not very Dauntless."

"Well, what are you getting?" She rolls her eyes and sits down in the first empty seat she sees.

"My nose pierced and something written on my neck." I flop into the seat next to her and pull my long hair into a ponytail. "I was also thinking of getting my lip pierced."

"Don't get your lip pierced, Blaire…" She smiles and squeezes my cheek. "If we have to fight this week, being sore in more than one place will not be fun."

"Fine…" I groan and look around at the different tattoo options that hang from the walls. "Bailey, I want you to get your nipples pierced."

She immediately busts into laughter and presses her hands to her chest. "Are you nuts?! That would _kill!_"

"Probably…" Snickering a bit, I turn to her. "But I bet you that Zayn kid would love it."

She blushes immediately and tries to nudge me away. "Why did you have to bring him up?"

"Because you're obsessed with him." I say bluntly and cross my arms. "You're always with him."

"He's cool!" Bailey's cheeks continue to redden. "And Zayn's the first guy I've met who actually treats me like…like he actually appreciates me."

"You've known him for two days, Bailey."

"Look! Just because you're miserable when it comes to guys, doesn't mean you always have to hate the guy I like." Her eyebrows buckle. "If you would actually try and get to know him you could see how nice he is to me."

"He wants to get into your pants." My eyes are on the floor, as those words slip from my lips. I actually regret saying that as soon as it's too late. Bailey gasps and stands up quickly.

"You're not my mom, Blaire! And besides, how would you know what getting into someone's pants is like?!" She yells. "It's not like anyone's ever tried it with you."

My stomach drops, as I watch her turn around and stride toward the door of the parlor. She can't leave me alone to get my first tattoo. She has to hold my hand and smile for me. She has to fill the spot of my mother, even if just for a few seconds. Why did I say that to her in the first place? Am I jealous of the attention she gets? "Bailey, wai—"

"Don't talk to me!"

And then she's gone.

"Everything all right out here?" I turn to see Tori standing there and for a moment, I feel like I am back in the aptitude test room. I didn't expect to see her again. She smiles warmly.

"Yeah… I'm sorry…"

She shrugs and waves me into the back room, where I follow her quietly. "You're Blaire, right? I administered your test."

"Yes, you did." I smile faintly. "Do you work here?"

"That, I do…" She pats the leather chair in the center of the room. "You were the first jumper, weren't you?"

"Yes."  
"See? I told you! You fit in here."

My eyes find the floor again, before a long sigh escapes my lips. "I guess…"

Tori sits down gently on the edge of the seat and touches my shoulder. "You okay, sweetheart?"

"No…" I murmur, trying my hardest not to let the newly formed tears roll over my eyelashes. "I feel alone."

"Aw, sweetie…" Tori moves closer and hugs her arms around my shoulders. "Is it because of your friend?"

"She's t-the o-only one I had here… And now she probably h-hates me!" Wiping my eyes, I press my chin into Tori's shoulder. "I didn't mean what I said, but she's ignored me ever since we got here!"

"Why?"

"Some stupid Candor!"

"Shh…" She rubs my back slowly. "I'm sure she doesn't hate you… No one could hate someone one like. In a few days, she'll calm down and everything will be back to normal. You spoke your mind… It's a good thing."

"I don't like being alone…" Those words are almost a murmur, but it's embarrassing to admit to a Dauntless member. I'm honestly not used to being alone. I'm a twin.

"I know, sweetheart. No ones does…" She rubs my back again and sighs. "But you're _free_ here. You can start over and make new friends and you won't feel so alone anymore."

Her words stick in my mind. _You're free here. You can start over and make new friends and you won't feel so alone anymore._ Free. That's what I want for my first tattoo. I look up at her slowly, wiping the last tear from the base of my jaw. "I don't want to be the Erudite Blaire anymore."

Tori's thin lips curve into a sly smile as she strokes the back of my hair. "Sweetheart, you came to the right place."


	7. Chapter 6: There's Thunder In Our Hearts

**Chapter 6:**** There is Thunder in Our Hearts, Baby.**

The first time I met Tori, we were alone in the aptitude test room. I was nervous for my result because my future depended on it. This time she helped me find myself. I'm fine now because of her. Finally, I'm_ free_.

Looking at myself in the mirror for the first time, after Tori did her work, was definitely surprising. The girl who used to wear loose blue dresses and baggy navy sweaters is completely gone. The little girl my parents raised and hugged and read stories to is no longer here. I'm finally my own person. The way I've wanted to look for years now. I've wanted to wear a tight black dress that hugs my thighs and hips. I've wanted my nose pierced, along with my lip and eyebrow. I've wanted a meaningful tattoo. I've wanted to wear dark black eye makeup. I wonder if my parent's friends would still compliment me like they used to.

The feeling of nostalgia disintegrates as I make my way to the dining hall. This is my home now. I _will_ become a Dauntless member. At some point I had to let go. I had to let my family go. Eyes fall on me as I walk through the Pit, some people are even whispering. It's an amazing feeling, finally feeling confident in my own skin. I see Bailey at a table with Brett and Zayn, and I walk right past them. She turns, her eyes following me and her jaw dropped. She didn't expect this, but there's no use explaining myself to her. She doesn't want me to talk to her.

Four does a double take as I pass his table, my eyes set on Eric as he sits at the end of a full table. He's eating chocolate cake silently, not making any effort to converse with the other members at the table. I lower myself into the empty seat in front of him, and he looks up slowly. At first his eyebrows are raised in a confused manner, but then he smirks.

"I'm sorry, have we met?"

"Very funny…" I reach across and take a fry out of the paper cup on his tray. "I'm obviously your favorite student."

"Actually I'm not permitted to pick favorites, but if I had to pick one not to kill, it'd be you." He takes another bite of cake and licks the fork.

"Why's that?" I take another fry from his tray. "So you could stare at my ass more?"

He shrugs and finishes chewing, a slight sneer noticeable over his ring-covered lips. "Maybe even grab it."

I roll my eyes. "That's what I thought, pervert."

Eric holds his hands up and chuckles. "Hey, hey… I'm not the only one who was thinking it. Most of the guys have been talking about you non-stop since you jumped through the damn hole in the roof." He reaches up and twists the rings in his eyebrows. "Just like your three friends are talking about you right now."

"Good." Eric pushes the cup of fries toward me and I smile evilly. "She ditched me for that Candor kid, so I told her how I felt."

"Gotcha…" He clears his throat. "So since you were pissed, you decided to make the brilliant decision of piercing your face? Makes perfect sense…"

"Hey!" Smiling, I point my finger at him. "You changed too, so don't make fun of me! You were so normal…"

Eric's deathly glare halts on me. "Don't you dare bring that up, you hear me?" He swallows, gathering his trash onto the tray. "I left Erudite for a reason, probably the same as you. But you're the only one here that remembers me, so if I find out you're telling people behind my back, you're most likely going to find yourself factionless. Also, even though you look hot, you shouldn't have gotten your face pierced like that until the first stage is over." Eric raises an eyebrow and stands up before walking over to throw his trash out and exit the cafeteria.

"Luckily for all of you, there is an even number of initiates. What does this mean, you ask?" Four sighs quietly and steps away from the board in the training room. "This means that all of you will be fighting today."

Across the room, Four paces as he talks and Eric leans against the chalkboard, appearing as uninterested as possible. He looks good today. I don't know what it is but he looks different. Maybe it's the way his long hair falls into his eyes, as he picks at his nails? I am actually so absorbed in Eric that I don't notice the silence in the room.

"Blaire?" Four clears his throat, bringing my attention away from Eric.

"Yes?"

The Candor girl giggles and mutters something to Brett but he doesn't respond. The silence is suddenly haunting. "You're up against Matt."

"M-Matt?" I stutter, stepping forward nervously. "Girls have to fight guys? You never said that…"

Eric sneers and stands up straight, slowly walking over to Four. "Aw, Blaire… That's adorable… Now get the hell up here, so we can start."

The rest of the group parts, leaving me enough room to weave my way to the center of the circle where Matt stands. He is the tallest one here, with broad shoulders, short but messy blonde hair, and big hands. There's no doubt in my mind that with one swipe of his hand, he could snap my neck. With a bit of force Matt could easily shatter my five-foot-six figure in half. His green eyes stare into mine for a few seconds, as I tuck my hair behind my ears and exhale nervously. Maybe he'll go easy since I'm a girl? Maybe his Amity tendencies will make him a bad fighter?

But the blow to my side says otherwise. I gasp and grit my teeth, quickly stepping back and regaining my composure as he smirks. I don't know what to do. The only thing I've punched is a heavy black bag and he looks nothing like a bag. My heart starts to race as my eyes observe his footwork. He steps forward and then goes back again, waiting for the opportune moment to hit me again.

_Forward, back... Forward, back… Forward—_

I lunge forward and swing my right hook as hard as I can. My fist hits Matt's mouth and I swing my left immediately, which makes contact with his jaw. Blood splatters from his lip. Someone in the crowd inhales, but everyone else is silent. Even Four and Eric.

Matt spits the blood onto the floor and brings his hands back up to protect his face. Holding my breath, I do the same and move side to side slightly. I move to the left, which was a bad move. He jerks forward; pulling his fist back and hammering me square in the nose. The cracking noise makes my blood run cold. A scream erupts from my lips, as my hands go to cover my nose. For a few seconds I'm actually unable to see straight, giving him the perfect opportunity to kick my legs out from under my body. As soon as I flop onto my back, Matt's there and repeatedly kicking my side as hard as he can. I grunt and crumple into a ball on the floor. I can taste the thick blood streaming down my lips from my nose. There is a loud ringing in my ears and my vision is blurry, but suddenly he's on top of me, winding his arm back for another blow.  
"N-No…" I mutter sluggishly and press my hands to his chest, trying to push him back.

"FIGHT BACK!" Eric yells, making me flinch and realize Matt's approaching fist. This time, I swerve and wiggle out from under him, avoiding his punch and the stiffness of my ribs. I kick hard, hitting him in the groin and then twice in the face. One foot hits his forehead, the other in the chin. His eyes close and there's an immediate thud from his body hitting the wood floor. The first thing that comes to mind is the fear that I killed him. Then there's the fear that I can't get up by myself.

Four wanders into the circle and leans over Matt after a few seconds of silence. "He's out cold." He then steps over to me and smiles slightly. "You all right?"

"My nose…" I murmur, wiping some of the blood from my lips and pinching my nostrils closed. "I think it's broke."

"Really?" He laughs and bends down, swatting my hands away. "Um… Yeah, it is." Four says quietly, after grazing his fingers across the bridge of my nose. "Eric, can you take her to get it set?" Four pushes one of his arms under my body and places me back on my feet with ease.

He rolls his eyes and looks down at his watch, before moving over to help. "Whatever…"

"Congrats…" Eric glances at me as we stroll down the hall. "Usually girls don't win when they fight a guy, especially not one as big as Matt."  
"Well, he was probably going easy on me since I'm a girl."

"If he was…that's really stupid." He scratches the back of his head. "Dauntless don't have time to _go easy_ on someone. Everyone is treated equally here, so don't expect someone to _go easy_ on you again."

"I won't." I mutter, still pinching my nostrils closed.

"You need to learn how to protect your face…" Eric says, as he opens the door for me. "It was like a fucking open target."

"Well, maybe next time actually critique me, instead of mentally fucking me."

Eric scoffs and pushes past me, going over to the woman at the front desk. "Pop her nose back into place, before she dies from blood loss." He snaps his fingers and the lady hands Eric a paper, which he signs quickly and then glances back at me, before pointing to another door.

"Now?" I ask, a bit confused.

"No. Stay and bleed out, will you? Then I wouldn't have to waste my time courting you to the hospital wing for a nosebleed." He rolls his cold eyes and hands the paper back to the woman. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to watch your best friend get flattened."

Eric was quite accurate when he described Bailey as 'flattened,' because she had to be carried to the hospital. The sad thing is, is that she fought the Candor girl who is not that threatening. Rebecca is the same height as Bailey with red hair and maybe a few pounds of extra meat. Something in me is starting to worry if Bailey is right for Dauntless. I understand it was the first fight, but she couldn't even beat another girl. Then again, why should I be worrying about her? She doesn't want to speak to me.

Anyway, Bailey's bed is unmade… Just the way she left it this morning. Brett is asleep in the bed next to mine and I wish I were too. My nose is throbbing and taped up to prevent from swelling, and for some reason sleep feels impossible. Eric's voice keeps replaying in my mind. The quiet, yet sarcastic sound he produces creates goose bumps on my bare legs. But _why? _Eric is a brutal person who probably doesn't believe in love. He's not the kind of guy my parents would approve of me marrying. Eric is the kind of guy that girls like Bailey sleep with. He's probably not even interested in anything about me, except the thought of me being innocent and stupid. I shudder to think of all the people he's hurt in the past. Plus, he's a Dauntless leader… Eric could do so much better than an initiate. And yet I'm still thinking about him.


	8. Chapter 7: Oh Glory, Come and Find Me

**Chapter 7:**** Oh Glory, Come and Find Me**

I roll out of bed the next morning, believing that I'm the first one awake. I'm wearing the black t-shirt that I usually wear to bed and underwear so I better get out of bed before everyone else wakes up.

Once I'm in the bathroom, I stare at my reflection in the mirror. The left side of my face could be easily mistaken for raw meat, with a purple bruise running from under my eye to my jaw. Peeking under the white tape on my nose, another bruise is visible. Carefully, I slide my shirt up and examine the other bruises on my side. I can make out exactly each one of Matt's kicks.

"Nice bruises, sweetheart." Brett strolls toward me, his hair messy and wet, and his lower body covered in only a white towel. He smirks and stops behind me, as I frantically pull my shirt back down. "No use, I already saw your boobs." Brett smiles triumphantly.

"I thought everyone was still sleeping…" I mutter, kind of annoyed at him.

"Nope."

I turn around so that I'm facing him and I have to admit, he is built really well. "How'd your fight go yesterday?"

He shrugs, his eyes flickering to the tattoo on my neck. "I beat some skinny Erudite kid."

"You escaped with nothing but a black eye. I'm very impressed." Reaching up hesitantly, I graze my fingers under his bruised eye. Erudite Blaire would have never touched someone like that, especially a boy, but Dauntless Blaire is brave. She is different.

Brett smiles a bit and leans down, cupping my face in his hands and kissing me gently. My body freezes immediately because I was not expecting him to kiss me. He then steps closer, pressing his body to mine and kissing me again. It's weird to finally be in this predicament. Someone is kissing me. If I were still home, I'd go tell Jack so he'd stop making fun of me. But this is my home now and Jack's not here.

My hands move up his bare stomach, until finally my arms are wrapped around his neck. I breathe out loudly and go to kiss him again, but he pushes his forehead into mine. "I've been wanting to do that since second grade."

"Really?" I giggle quietly and push my fingers into his short brown hair.

"Yeah…" He murmurs. "You were the prettiest girl and all of us were afraid to talk to you… And now since we've had some time to talk, I realized you're also amazing."

"Even with a broken nose?"

"Even with a broken nose." He smirks and kisses me again softly. I lean onto my tippy toes and pull myself closer, just as the bathroom door opens again. Our lips disconnect with a click and I fall back down to my flat feet, before turning to see Bailey standing awkwardly in the doorway. Her lower lip is swollen, a scabbed split in the center. She also has two black eyes and deep cut down her left cheek. My cheeks go red as I stare. I'm doing what I yelled at her for.

"I'll go." Brett kisses the top of my head and strolls out of the bathroom, leaving just Bailey and I. Not knowing what to say I turn to the mirror, continuing my routine. She does the same, but moves very stiffly.

When I start walking to the showers, Bailey turns to me. "Blaire, I'm sorry…" She says weakly. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that or said what I did… You're my best friend…"

Still not facing her, I sigh. "You had every right to say what you did… I'm not your mother, I shouldn't tell you what you can and can't do."

"I really like him." Bailey sniffles. "And it's different than all the other guys, I promise you."

"Then don't apologize!" I say, quickly turning around to hug her. I wrap my arms around shoulders, careful not to hurt her any more. "If you like him, I'm happy for you…"

"I'm feel horrible for not staying with you to get your tattoo! I cried all night! I don't even deserve to be your friend…" Her chest starts to rise and fall quickly as she sobs. "You l-look so p-pretty… Even m-more than you did b-before!"

"Shh… Sh…" I rub her back slowly and push my face into her neck. "Everything is okay…"

"I love you, Blaire…"

"I love you too, Bails."

Two days after my fight with Matt, I'm lying in my bed and staring up at the ceiling. Ever since I transferred factions, my brain has been a random stream of thoughts. Eric is constantly on my mind. His mannerisms and his words. I want to know why he transferred. I want to know everything about him. And then Brett kissed me. I have to pay attention to him too, because apparently that's what girlfriends do. I don't think I'll make a good girlfriend, but I'll try my hardest.

Earlier today, we jumped onto the trains and rode them all the way to the edge of the city. Once we were there, Four showed us the fence guards and explained how most of us will end up working here. Only the top five Dauntless will receive the desirable jobs after initiation.

My body flinches as the dormitory door swings open. People stream into the room with flashlights. I sit up quickly, squinting through the darkness. What the hell could this be?

"Everybody up!" With the help of someone's flashlight, I can finally make out Eric's cold features. The rings in his lips and eyebrows glint against the flashlights. Four pushes through the crowd of Dauntless and stops next to Eric, his arms folded.

"I said get up, Blaire!" Eric roars. My cheeks automatically go red, but I nod and kick off my covers. I should have worn pants to bed, but then again, I wasn't expecting a bunch of Dauntless to break into the dorms around midnight. Frantically, I slip into a pair of black jeans and then tie my long hair into a ponytail. "You have five minutes to get dressed and be up by the tracks." Eric says calmly. "We're going on another field trip."

Brett pulls me forward, urging me to run faster once we're outside. "Come on!" He yells as he glances back at Bailey and Zayn. "We're gonna miss the train because of you two."

"I can't help that I'm still sore!" Bailey snaps.

We make it to the tracks just behind the Dauntless-born initiates. Next to the tracks is a black pile. I make out a cluster of long gun barrels and trigger guards. Next to the pile are boxes of what looks like ammunition. As initiates take their guns from the pile and we inch closer, I realize the side of the box reads "PAINTBALLS." I give a sigh of relief.

"Everyone grab a gun!" Eric shouts.

You've got to be kidding me." Brett smirks and bends down, taking two guns as everyone behind us rushes toward the pile. He tosses a gun to me and I catch it carefully.

"Are we going to be shooting each other?" I ask as I juggle the gun and lean down to grab a box of paintballs. When I straighten, I push the ammunition into my jean pockets and sling the gun over my shoulder.

Brett shrugs. "Most likely."

In the darkness, Eric's sarcastic smile is still visible. "No, Blaire. We're just handing out guns because they come with your new jeans. It's your little faction souvenir."

Lowering my eyes, I look in his direction. "I wasn't talking to you."

"I don't care." He tucks a few pieces of hair behind his left ear. "Time estimate, Four?"

"You should really memorize the train schedule." I smile mischievously and then turn away from him, wrapping my arms around Brett's waist and pushing my face into his sweatshirt as we wait.

Eric mutters something under his breath. "Four! Time estimate!"

Four clears his throat. "Any minute."

I look up at Brett and smile, watching as a circle of light appears in his eyes. It grows larger as the train approaches. His eyes move to mine before he smiles. "What're you looking at?"

"You."

"Me? I'm flattered…" He laughs quietly and rubs my back a few times. "Get ready though." Brett nudges me away and exhales slowly, as the rest of the large group grows quiet.

Four and Eric are the first two on the train. Perfectly calm, I start to run alongside the train. Brett is right on my heel, so I don't dare slow my pace. Just as I go to jump, hands grip my underarms and I'm yanked in. My feet touch the floor of the car and my eyes wander dizzily.

"What's wrong?" Eric's quiet voice forces my surroundings to focus. He stares at me.

"I can get on by myself." I mutter before pushing past him immediately and going to the other end of the car. Brett sits down next to me once he's on. Bailey and Zayn stay standing. Then once everyone else is in, Four speaks up.

"We'll be dividing into two teams to play capture the flag. Each team will have an even mix of members, Dauntless-born initiates and transfers. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and do the same." The car sways and the skinny Candor girl tips over, falling into an older Dauntless member, who scrunches up his nose and steps aside as if she's some kind of pest. "This is Dauntless tradition, so I recommend you take it seriously."

"What's the prize?" Matt, the Amity transfer boy I knocked out in my first fight, steps forward with his arms crossed.

"You get to win, of course." Four raises an eyebrow. "Obviously something you don't know much about, judging by your recent fighting statistics." There's a wave of hushed laughter and Matt scowls.

"Four and I will be your team captains." Eric says casually while picking at his fingers." Let's divide up transfers, shall we? You first."

Four's eyes scan the car slowly before his mouth opens. "Blaire." _What? _Why would he pick _me_? Better yet, why am I the first to be picked?If anything I would have guessed one of the guys to be picked first.

Eric bites down on the rings in his bottom lip. "Brett."

"Zayn."

"Matt."

Four sighs and leans against the wall of the car. "Rebecca."

"Bailey."

They continue to spout off names until each transfer is on a team. Then they move on to Dauntless-borns and eventually the handful of members who came along for the fun of it. While they pick members, Brett quietly loads paintballs into his gun. I watch him curiously.

"Are you purposely going to come after me?" I whisper.

He grins and clicks the paintballs into place. "Of course. Someone has to knock you down a few pegs. My girlfriend can't be tougher than me…"

"Yes she can be." Quiet giggles escape my lips and suddenly all eyes are on me.

"Are we done whispering, Romeo and Juliet?" Eric clears his throat and pulls the gun off his shoulder. My face feels like it's on fire. There's an undercurrent of laughter from within the car. Even Brett chuckles. "Four, your team can get off first."

"Giving us some extra time, Eric?" Four smiles slightly and adjusts the gun on his shoulder.

"Well I know you'll need it" Eric yawns uninterestedly. "You'll lose no matter when you get off, so go." He then glances in my direction and bites down on one of the rings in his lip. Due to the darkness of the car, I can't exactly tell where his eyes were lingering.

Brett reaches over and pecks my lips as I stand. "Good luck…"

"You too." I smile back at him and then walk to the edge of the car. I jump blindly into the black night. This time I am ready for the momentum the train gives me, and I run a few steps to diffuse it. Fierce satisfaction courses through me and I grin. I feel Dauntless.

"Where did you put the flag last year?" One of the Dauntless-borns asks as soon as his feet hit the ground.

"We're not putting in the same place." Four sighs and shakes his head. "Obviously that wouldn't make much sense."

"Eric wouldn't think of looking in the same place twice." I add as I start to walk with the group.

"Eric would actually think of that. You two are so close, you should know that." Four starts jogging and my eyebrows furrow. What did he mean by that? Do other people in the faction think Eric and I are close?'

Zayn trots up next to me before smiling and pulling on my arm. "Come on. I think we're going to the Navy Pier."

We jog east, toward the marsh that was once a lake. When I was little, my brother and I used to sneak out and eat our lunches by the marsh. One day during the summer, I was chasing a white butterfly and I slipped off a mossy rock and into the cloudy marsh. Of course, I had never gone swimming before, so I immediately started panicking. I flailed around in the water for a good thirty seconds before Jack finally made his way into the muddy water. Ever since then I've been horrified of water.

"We're close to Erudite headquarters, right?" Zayn bumps his shoulder into mine and I nod.

"Too close." There's no desire to look in the direction of Erudite headquarters. It is no longer my home. But I am about a mile from my brother. It has been a week since we were last together. My head shakes and I forget about him again.

We walk across the bridge and the cityscape changes. Behind us, most of the buildings were in use and even if they weren't, they look well tended. In front of us is a sea of crumbling concrete and broken glass. The silence of this part of the city is eerie. It's hard to see where we're going.

I have realized that part of being Dauntless is being willing to make things more difficult for yourself in order to be self-sufficient. There's nothing especially brave about wandering darks streets with no flashlight, but were not supposed to need help, even from the light. I like that. There might come a day when there is no light, there is no gun, there is no guiding hand. And I need to be ready for it.

The buildings end just before the marsh. A strip of land juts out into the water, and rising from it is a giant white wheel with dozens of red passenger cars dangling from it at random intervals. It's the Ferris wheel. The one Jack and I used to stare up at and climb. People apparently used to ride it.

We walk down the side of the pier. All the buildings on my left are empty, their signs torn down and their windows closed, but it is a clean kind of emptiness. Whoever left these places left them by choice and at their leisure. Other places are not like that.

"This place was probably so fun when everything was working." Zayn says, probably not expecting anyone to hear.

"My grandparents used to tell me stories about it." The Candor girl, Rebecca, smiles faintly at Zayn as we walk. "It was apparently really fun."

We reach the carousel. Some of the horses are scratched and weathered, their tails broken off or their saddle chipped. Four takes the flag out of his pocket.

"In about ten minutes, the other team will pick their location. Then they will be on their way here." He says. "I suggest you take this time to form a strategy. Mental preparedness is one aspect of your Dauntless training. Arguably, it is one of the most important aspect."

As a former Erudite, I know he is right. What good is a prepared body if you can't think properly?

One of the Dauntless-borns takes the flag from Four. He has blonde hair and a silver rod in his eyebrow, just like me. "How about we split up? Some stay here to guard the flag and the rest of us will go out searching for the other team's flag."

Four leans against the waist-high fence and looks down at his watch, practically ignoring the conversation.

"No!" The Rebecca girl shouts. "Let's just hide the flag really well and we'll all go out."

I roll my eyes and step forward. "Then our flag is an open target. We'll hide it and some will stay and hide. If you do see Eric's team coming, then shoot them! The other half of us will move back out to the woods and search for their damn location."

The blonde boy who's holding the flag lowers his eyes and then shrugs. "Sure, transfer. We'll try your plan."

He says that as if he doesn't believe in my plan. He probably wants it to fail so he can blame the team's failure on me. "My name's Blaire."

"I don't care." He's the second person to not care about something I said today.

Four sighs and looks up. "Hide it then! Stop talking about it. Blaire you'll stay with me and defend the flag." He points to me. "Zayn will too and so will Gunner."

The blonde boy tosses the flag to an older Dauntless member, who then jogs past Four and hides it in the carousel. The Gunner boy is taller than me, but not by much. I could easily fight him. I mean, Matt was way taller and stronger looking than this kid. Four starts to walk and Gunner follows. Zayn scratches his head and then nudges me. "Don't worry about that kid, Blaire. He's an idiot."

"I'm not worrying about him." I laugh slightly and pull my gun down from my shoulder.

Thirty minutes pass and the four of us are silently crouched in hidden places around the flag. I'm behind a bench, with my long gun peeking out from under the armrest. Zayn is across the pier from me, his gun pointed at an angle. From such a distance I can barely tell if his eyes are still open. He better not of fell asleep. His shot could be the difference between failure and victory.

"Tired?" Four's voice startles me. I unclench my fingers from around the handle of the gun and turn my head to his.

"What the hell are you doing? I could have shot you…" My shoulders relax and I lean back against the chain link fence. "What do you want? Why aren't you watching the flag?"

"So many questions…" He smiles and sinks down next to me. "I wanted to talk to you. This is the closest thing I could get to a private conversation, so I thought _why not_?"

My eyes roll before glancing back to check on the flag. "What could you possibly want to talk with me about, Four? I haven't done anything wrong."

He slowly runs his tongue across his full bottom lip, silently finding the right words. In the darkness his deep-set blue eyes appear black and intimidating but I will never be afraid of Four. He seems soft and soothing to me. He reminds me of an older brother or a best friend. "About Eric." Four murmurs.

I scoff quietly. "Eric?"

"Well… You're relationship with him."

"Four, there's nothing going on between Eric and I! I swear…" Smirking my best, I pull my long hair to one side. "I would rather jump off a cliff than be in a relationship with _Eric._"

Four groans. "Stop being so damn defensive!" He reaches over and plays with the tips of my dark hair. "I see the way you look at him. It's kind of obvious…"

It's a good thing it's nearly two o'clock in the morning, because my entire face goes red. I don't try to but my cheeks feel warm and so does my chest. "Four, really?" I swallow nervously. "I have a boyfriend."

He laughs and leans his head back. "You've had a boyfriend for what, twenty-four hours now?"

"Oh, screw you…" Smiling faintly, I look down at my hands. "How would you even know about Brett and I?"

"I sit near him and Zayn sometimes. I hear them talking…"

"So what's the point of this conversation again? You were warning me about Eric?" I ask sarcastically, my eyes focusing on bouncing lights in the distance. They must be flashlights.

"Don't be a bitch about it." Four sighs and runs his long fingers through his hair. "I just don't want to see you get manipulated or hurt, Blaire. You're one of the top ranked. You're really special… I don't want to see something change that."

Our eyes lock and the corners of his lips twitch into a rare smile. "I appreciate your concern, Four, but I can take care of myself. That's why I came here… To learn things for myself." I shrug.

He stares into my eyes for a few seconds and then nods. "You're definitely something, Blaire… I've never met a girl like you."

"Don't tell me you have a crush too?" I roll my eyes jokingly.

"No! No…" He smiles again. "I didn't say that."

I tilt my head as I take in his features and think. Four is the kind of guy who would marry his first girlfriend. He's quiet, and sweet, and intelligent.

"BLAIRE!" Someone's shout splits the near silence. "There's three of them coming!"

"Dammit!" Four growls and stands up, holding his gun tightly between his hands. He steps around the bench, scanning the area around the flag and carousel.

"Do you see anyone?" I whisper as I press my eyes to the scope on my gun.

"No one yet…" He continues forward, cautiously stepping toward the carousel. "Just stay here." I do as I'm told and watch as he jogs to the end of the pier. _Great. _Now I'm left with Zayn and Gunner. Actually I haven't seen Zayn move in the last twenty minutes. I squeeze out from behind the splintery bench and stride toward the carousel, my gun dangling over my shoulder from its strap as I go to investigate. He better not be sleeping.

"BLAI—"

Someone's body slams into mine before I can even blink. I yelp and fall onto my back, my gun sliding across the wooden boards. Long blonde hair trickles onto my face as I struggle to free myself from under the opposing teammate. "G-GET OFF!" I whine loudly, pushing on the girl's face and neck.

She laughs and forces me onto my back again, pinning my flailing legs to the wooden boards with hers. "Not so tough now, are we?"

"Dammit, Bailey!" I arch my back off the ground, still struggling angrily.

"Hurry up!" Bailey yells and looks back as two more people come into view. Eric is one of them. He carries a smaller gun in his hand and strides calmly toward the carousel. _No._ I can't let them get our flag. This whole thing was my idea. My plan… If we loose, it will forever be remembered as my fault. My feet start to kick wildly and my hands press her face away. "Someone get the flag!" She looks back at them again, giving me the perfect opportunity to move.

I wrap my legs around her small waist and flip us over, as two shots split the air. My ears pick up the sound of Brett's angry voice. Bailey snarls and stares up at me tensely, reaching for something of mine to grab onto. But I stumble to my feet and run toward my gun before she's able to. It's cocked already, so all I need to do is aim and fire. Bailey stands quickly, but I'm quicker. I bend down, scoop up the gun, uncurl, aim at Eric, and then fire. Three paintballs eject from the tip of my gun before splattering his black hoodie with neon yellow paint. They hit Eric's side and he falls into one of the weathered carousel horses. _Good._ He's out.

Laughter erupts from above me and I finally realize that Gunner has been on top of the carousel the entire time. "Nice shot."

"Thanks… You too." Smirking up at him and then at Brett and Eric. They both stand up slowly.

There's a chorus of yells in the distance, which most likely signifies our victory. Behind me, Bailey sighs. "I almost had you… No fair."

"No fair?" I smile faintly and hug my arms around her neck. "Life isn't fair! How do you think I felt when you literally tackled me to the ground?"

She giggles and then hugs me back. "You were taken completely off guard! I was so proud of myself…"

The arguing voices of Eric, Brett, Zayn, and Gunner are eventually drowned out by the infectious shouts of triumph. Four comes back with the rest of our teammates, smirking and his arms crossed. The Candor girl is holding the other team's flag and skipping toward me.

"I found it, Blaire!" She holds it out for me to see. "I can't believe _I_ found it…"

"Good job." I smile a bit and then leave her with Bailey, running through the others and jumping onto Brett's back. Snickering, I wrap my arms and legs around him. There are crusty pieces of pink paint on the side of his head and the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Either Gunner or Zayn must've shot Brett before he got too close to the flag.

Before Brett can even smile or say something to me, there are hands separating my body from his. I squirm around nervously, unaware of whom is suddenly manhandling me. Then Eric's hand is clamped around my windpipe and I'm staring up into his cold eyes. Everyone around us goes silent. "Don't you _ever _shoot at a Dauntless leader again, you hear me?!" I'm not able to say anything. Instead, I pry his fingers. "Next time you do something like that you'll find yourself hanging upside down and over the chasm!"

"Eric!" Four pushes through two Dauntless-borns. "It's part of the game. She didn't do anything wrong."

"Don't talk to me like that!" Eric shoves me backwards and rounds on Four. "You are nothing! You work in the control room and I make the rules!"

"But…" My voice is weak. "Y-You were playing… I thought it was okay…" He snaps back around to me and there's the piercing sound of skin slapping skin. My cheek burns and for a few seconds my eyesight is blurry. Everyone gasps but no one steps forward to pull him away from me.

"I don't give a damn what you thought or what you'll ever think. You're a selfish, cocky, ugly little bitch, and no one likes you."

The triumphs of winning capture the flag and the fright of Eric's harsh voice fades. All I can feel is the heat rising behind my eyes. He's right. No one cares about me. And no one ever has. The girl who is supposedly my best friend didn't help me. The boy who supposedly likes me didn't even flinch when Eric slapped me. I look down at the ground, nodding once. I then turn on my heel and push through the crowd, running as fast I can.

I have no idea how we got to the pier but I don't care. I just want to be far away from all of them. Bailey, Brett, Eric, Zayn, everyone. I want to die. No one would care if I never came back.


	9. Chapter 8: What A Shame We All Became

**Chapter 8: What a Shame We All Became**

"She's right here…"

"Oh thank god."

"Is she hurt?"

"I don't know! Hold on." Something cold touches the side of my neck and then slides up to my jaw. "Blaire…?" I was safe in my dreams. I was safe and loved in my dreams. I don't want to wake up.

"Is she d-dead?" Bailey sniffles and someone else laughs. It might be Gunner.

"She's just sleeping, you _idiot_."

As much as I want to be alone again, I know they'll stay here if I don't wake up. I have no choice. My chest rises slowly and I breathe out, letting my eyes flutter open. It gives the perfect allusion of finally waking up.

"Told you!" Gunner crosses his arms and steps back from my bed as my eyesight focuses. Brett sits on my bed and stares at me nervously, Bailey watches me with her hands clamped over her mouth, and Zayn shows no emotion.

"Blaire… Are you okay?" Brett pushes a few pieces of hair away from my face. "We've been out looking for you for hours. Were you here the entire time?"

"Yeah…" My throat is dry and my voice quiet, but there isn't a scratch on my body. I made it back to the tracks and rode the train back to the Dauntless headquarters without any trouble.

"She's fine." Gunner smirks and pats my leg before jogging out of the initiate dorms. Now Brett, Zayn, and Bailey are left and they're staring at me as if I'll shatter into a thousand pieces at any given moment. I just want them to leave.

"You should get dressed, Blaire…" Bailey walks over, pushing Brett away before sinking onto my bed. She smiles shakily. "Training starts in ten minutes."

"I'm not getting up." I roll over and fix my itchy sheets.

"What do you mean?" She asks immediately. "Blaire, you have to go."

"I don't have to do anything, Bailey. Just leave me alone."

The room is completely silent. I feel her get up from my bed. Brett then clears his throat. "Do you want me to sta—"

"Get out."

I get up slowly and then make my way to the bathroom. All of the initiates are gone. Training started about forty minutes ago and most likely this will be my last morning in the dorms. It's not a rule, but I'm sure that lateness is a problem for the leaders. I find a pair of black skinny jeans in my size. They're ripped in certain places around both of my thighs, but I pull them on anyway. Then I pull on one of the guy's black sweatshirts and pull my hair up. I don't bother putting on any makeup today.

I trot through the Pit and toward the training room. It's pretty empty right now. I guess most Dauntless members are already out working. I push the heavy training room door open, yawning, and every pair of eyes lands on mine. There is a large target at the far end of the room and a table next to me with knives strewn across it. Four leans against the wall, picking under his nails with the point of a dagger and staring at me. Eric stands between the other initiates, with his arms crossed. Trying to ignore his rabid glare, I grab three knives and stride over to the throwing line.

"What do you think you're doing?" Eric asks quietly, the sound of his boots approaching me.

I'm silent as I find the right stance and clutch the knife in my hand. _Just ignore him. _I practice throw a few times and finally let go of the knife. It spins over end, slamming into the board and sticking. But the looks of it, I'm the first person to hit the target.

"Did you go deaf, transfer?" Eric snatches my wrist before I can throw again. His cold eyes dig deep into mine. "Where've you been?"

"Sleeping."

He smirks and tightens his grip on my wrist, sending a wave of pain through my entire arm. "Should we buy you a watch, princess? Maybe then you could get here on time."

I roll my eyes. "Let go of me."

"Just leave her alone, Eric…" Four sighs as he strides over. "Don't you think you've done enough damage for a few days?" He sounds bored, but he doesn't look bored. His face and body are tense.

At first Eric stares at Four in silence and Four stares back. Then Eric's ring littered lips part. "As I said last night… I have the authority here, remember?" He says, so quietly I can barely hear him. "Here, and everywhere else." Then his head turns back to me. "Did I hurt your feelings?"

I swallow the thick spit building up in my throat and then shake my head. "No."

"Are you sure?" He smirks evilly. "You left in such a hurry last night."

My eyes lower as they search his face. "What happened to you…?" My voice is almost a whisper. "You were so quiet… You used to study at lunch and sit by yourself. People at school made fun of you… I felt _bad_ for you, because you never did anything to hurt anybody, and yet they always teased you. Now you're nothing but pure evil." I feel his fingers loosening around my wrist. "How can you act this way when you know, first hand, how horrible it feels?"

No one dares to speak. No one even breathes. My heart hammers against my ribcage as his dark eyes gaze into mine. For a few seconds, I'm afraid he'll shove the dagger into my stomach, but instead, his eyes soften. Eric rips his hand free from my wrist and then pushes past the other initiates before striding out of the training room.


	10. Chapter 9: Down On Your Knees Again

**Chapter 9: Down On Your Knees Again**

Eric never came to lunch or dinner after yesterday's training. I sat down with Bailey, Zayn, and Brett at both meals. I apologized to all of them and everything returned to normal. They didn't ask about what I said to Eric and I didn't bring it up.

After dinner, Brett and I walked around without Bailey or Zayn. He didn't hold my hand at first, which I wasn't opposed to. I do not understand the idea of holding someone's hand. Plus, my hands get sweaty easily so it's probably better if we didn't hold hands. We walked around for a while and eventually sat down in the Pit.

"I'm sorry about last night, Blaire. What I did was disgusting… I wanted to kill him… He had no right to hit you." He sighs and scratches the back of his head.

"You wanted to but you didn't." I murmur, bringing my knees up to my chest and starting to pick at my shoelaces.

He nods faintly. "So I completely understand if you don't like me anymore. I was wrong."

Sighing, I rub my temples. "You're my friend, Brett… But I'm not good with this _relationship_ thing. I probably never will be…and I feel bad stringing you along and then one day breaking it off, when you might've wanted the opposite."

"Hey…" He places his thumb on my chin and tilts my face up. "I don't care if you're bad with relationships… Obviously I am too."

I touch his hand with mine and give a slight smile. "You are pretty bad."

He busts into laughter. "We don't have to bring it up again. I feel horrible for not beating the shit out of Eric."  
"It's better you didn't…" My shoulders shrug. "You probably would be factionless right now."

"I would rather be factionless than live with this guilt." He says and then slowly tilts my chin up, pressing his lips to my forehead. When Brett finally pulls away, he smiles and stands up. He then holds out a hand. "Friends?"

"Friends." I smile back and, with the help of his hand, climb off the rock.

Today is the day before Visiting Day and for some reason, I keep comparing it to the end of the world. I imagine my father seeing my healed piercings and having a heart attack. I envision my mother crying so hard that she creates puddles by our feet. My parents might come visit me tomorrow and they might not. Which is worse? I'm not sure yet.

I sit up in bed at seven. On my left, Brett is snoring on every inhale and to the right, Zayn and Bailey are sharing Bailey's bed. _Interesting... _Not wanting to disturb them or the other initiates, I pull on black leggings, a V neck t-shirt, and my combat boots. Then I tip toe to the bathroom, where I brush my teeth, braid my hair, and put on black eyeliner.

The cafeteria is loud as usual. Guys are pounding on the tables as they laugh and eat. People roar with laughter. It's refreshing to hear such merriment at an early time. I grab a banana nut muffin and sit down at the end of an empty table to eat it. I'll need the fuel. God only knows what we'll be doing in training today.

As everyone files into the training room, Four stands in front of the chalkboard, copying our names. Brett jogs into the room with Zayn and wraps his arms around my neck. He's definitely developed more arm muscle since we've started training. "Someone's early." He laughs a bit and presses his chin into my shoulder.

"I got up earlier, because I was hungry." Smiling, I try to nudge him away.

"Well, did you at least figure out who we're fighting?"

I lean back against his chest and shake my head. "He's almost done."

It takes Four about two more minutes to finish copying down our opponents. When he moves away from the board, I feel faint. Next to my name is Bailey's. I turn to her. Her face is pale and her eyes wide. What am I supposed to do? I can't fight her… I have to win. I'll win if I fight Bailey, but I'll loose my best friend… I need Bailey here with me. We made this decision together.

Our fight is the second one to take place. The first fight is between Brett and Rebecca. He should this easily.

Brett squeezes my hand and then walks to the middle of the room. Rebecca stands across from him and for a few seconds, they shuffle back and forth. She jerks her arm forward and then retracts it a few times, while Brett watches her every movement. She steps closer suddenly and catapults her fist out, hitting him in the stomach. He barely even flinches, but punches the left side of her face and then the right, knocking her out cold. Rebecca's dead weight collapses onto the wooden floor and Brett clears his throat, standing over here.

I turn to Bailey and she bites her lower lip. "Don't take it easy on me, Blaire. I want them to see how good you are."  
"What?" My head starts to shake. "You're a good fighter too!"

"I am a horrible fighter." She smiles calmly. "But you're not and I want them to know that."

"Blaire and Bailey?" Four snaps his fingers and motions toward the center of the room. "Let's go."

We were in third grade, Bailey and I were playing outside with Jack and the other Erudite kids. When I wasn't looking, Bailey pulled the bottom of my dress up over my head. I struggled to fix it for a good twenty seconds, while everyone laughed at my underwear. When I finally fixed my dress, my face was bright red and tears were rolling down my cheeks. Bailey had just humiliated me in front of everyone I had known. I didn't know how to express my anger, so I grab a handful of her blonde hair and pulled as hard as I could. We ended up rolling around on the front yard, yelling and biting and trying to hit each other. That was the only other time Bailey and I have gotten into a fight.

She smiles faintly, almost as if she's recollecting the same memory. Then she starts toward me and throws her weight into a punch. As her body shifts forward, I duck and drive my fist into her stomach. Before she can get her hands on me, I slip past her, ready for her next attempt.

She runs toward me and I dart out of the way. Then I block her punch with my forearm. There's a unusual sensation of pain but it dissipates quickly. Bailey grits her teeth and tries to kick at my side, but I dodge it and swing my elbow toward her face. She grunts in pain and punches me in the ribs. Stumbling to the side, I breathe out loudly and recover my balance. Once my body straightens, our eyes meet for a second. There is blood flowing from nose and lips. What kind of person am I? She's my best friend.

I aim another uppercut low and I make contact below her bellybutton. A heavy breath escapes her mouth and echoes in my ears. It's the kind of gasp someone takes just before they die. Bailey falls to her knees and then to her stomach, gurgling on her own blood.

"You won." Four murmurs from behind me before bending down to flip Bailey onto her back. My throat burns and I feel hazy as I watch her limp body. What did I do?

"Bailey?!" I fall down to my knees and quickly wipe the dark red liquid from around her nose. "Bailey! I'm so sorry!"

"Blaire, she's fine! Just get back…" Four pushes me aside.

"No!" I scream, pushing him right back. "I need to help her!"

"God dammit, Blaire! Someone help me…" Four grabs one of my shoulders, trying to restrain me. "Blaire!"

Just then there are arms around my waist and I'm lifted off the ground. I squirm in his arms, trying to escape his tight grasp. "Blaire, shh… She's okay!" Brett whispers and continues walking me out of the training room.

Visiting Day. The second I open my eyes I remember everything. The fight, Bailey lying on the floor unconscious and bloody, Brett carrying me away, and now the possibility of my parent's visitation. I sit up in bed and look around the dorms. Everyone dresses silently. They have the same worry I do. As traitors to our old factions, we worry that there will not be any loved ones waiting for us in the Pit.

I change into a black dress that is a roomier than my other clothes. I don't want to shock my too much. Then I pull on my combat boots, before brushing my long dark hair and putting on eyeliner. By the time I make my way out of the bathroom, Eric stands by the dormitory doors.

I'm surprised to see him. He's been unseen since the training room incident and there were rumors going around that he had quit. I said what I did for a reason, but deep down, I was praying that he didn't really quit. Eric asked me not to talk about his past and, out of anger, I did. The guilt of him quitting would have eaten me alive.

"Attention!" He announces as he tucks a lock of dark hair behind his ear. "I want to give you some advice for today. If your families do come visit you…" His eyes sweep the eight of our faces before stopping on mine. He pauses as our eyes lock. "It is best not to seem too attached. That will make it easier for you and easier for them. The phrase 'faction before blood' is taken very seriously here. Attachment to your family suggests you aren't entirely pleased with your choice to transfer. Understand?"

I understand. I may miss my parents, but I do not want to go back to them. I am my own person here.

We file out of the dormitory in a neat line, with Eric watching over us. As I pass through the doorway, Eric sighs and avoids my glance. It takes my eyes a few moments to adjust, but when they do, I see Zayn walking slowly with Bailey. Her nose is taped up like mine was and her back hunches a bit. Her stomach must be sore. I can't possibly go over to her right now. I just hope her mother came to visit.

Clusters of families stand on the Pit floor, most of them Dauntless families with Dauntless initiates. They still hold my interest as they did when I was still in school—a mother with a pierced eyebrow, a father with a tattooed arm, an initiate with red hair. They are a wholesome family unit. I hope everyone's family comes. Even though I'm not a fan of some people here, I can't wish this hurt on anyone.

Across the room, Brett stands with a woman with shoulder-length blonde hair, who wears a black skirt and a white shirt. She is not much taller than me. This must be his mother. She hugs him tightly and they both laugh.

Please let my parents be here. If they're not I might have trouble talking myself down from the ledge.

"Blaire?"

My head whips around immediately. It is my father's voice. He looks the same as he did when I left him, with his chestnut brown hair and young features. A smile forms over my lips at once as I stride over to him.

"I didn't expect to see you here!" Laughing slightly, I throw my arms around his neck. He wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me a few inches off the ground.

"I convinced him." Her voice is beautiful. The voice that comforted me, scolded me, and laughed with me for nearly seventeen years fills my ears. I may not have noticed it until now, but oh, I've missed my mother. I wiggle out of my father's grasp and she embraces me tightly. Her blue sweater smells like lavender. "Blaire…" She whispers as she runs her hand down my hair.

My jaw clenches hard. Don't cry... _Don't cry_. I hold her thin figure and close my eyes, hidden in her grasp until my father grabs my face.

"What is this?" He points to my lip and his eyes widen even more. "Sweetheart, they're all over your face! Why did you pierce your face?"

"It's part of initiation…" I feel my cheeks go red as his eyes inspect my face.

"No one else has eyebrow rods and lip rings." My father turns to watch the Candor girl behind us, Rebecca, with her family.

"Adam, please…" My mother sighs and touches my face. "She looks stunning…"

"You think so?" I smile faintly.

"I know so!" She grins and then kisses my forehead. "You've grown up so much. I love it and so does your father." She laughs quietly and turns to him. "Isn't that right, Adam?"

"Right." He wraps an arm around her shoulder and kisses my forehead. "I was just a little surprised."

I nod and smile at both of them. "So how are both of you? Have you seen Jack?"

My father clears his throat. "Let's all walk and talk, shall we? Show us around your new home."

My mother intertwines her fingers with mine and we start to walk toward the chasm railing. "You're brother is doing very well. He is supposedly completing his initiation testing a few weeks before the rest of the initiates. He is going to be working in Aunt Jeanine's labs, I think."

"But he always says how much he misses you." My father smiles and grips the misty chasm railing. He looks down at the rushing water curiously. "I see him nearly everyday on my way out of the office. He told me he hopes everything is going well for you."

"It is…" I smile to myself. "Some things have been harder than others, but I'm doing okay."

"The rock formation is intriguing." My father murmurs as he stares at the chasm. "It all formed from natural weathering, obviously."

I glance at my mother and she starts to laugh. Thankfully, my father hasn't changed at all. He is still the silly little scientist, who has the attention span of a goldfish.

"Adam, we're here to see our daughter, not stare at rock formations."

My head shakes as I finish laughing. "It's fine… Are either of you hungry? We can talk over lunch, if you'd like."

"Yes, I'm starving!" He pats my back and turns in the wrong direction. "Which way to the eatery?"

My mother and I start to walk, leaving him still examining the chasm. "Adam!" She calls. "Please pay attention! We wouldn't want to lose you to the water there."

"Sorry!" He chuckles and jogs after us. "I've never been down here! It's spectacular."

About twenty minutes later, my father and mother are sitting across from me at the end of a long table. They are munching on French fries and hamburgers and observing the cafeteria. Other initiates wander in and out, either showing their families or coming in to eat with them. Dauntless families also come in and sit down. Today is a day to come together with family, even if they're not initiates.

"Are you making friends, Blaire?" My mother looks up from her hamburger and pulls her dark hair to one side. "That has been my biggest concern since you left. I've been praying every day this week!"

I nod and take a sip of water. "Yeah, I've made friends. Bailey and I are together sometimes, but she met some boy, so I've had to meet some other people."

"Do they have facial piercings?" My father asks casually as he bites into his second hamburger. I can't help but notice the slight tone of sarcasm in his voice.

I turn to him and smirk. "Yes."

"Splendid."

My mother shoots him a deathly glare before turning back to me. "Bailey's mother didn't come…"

"What?" My eyes widen. "She'll be so upset…"

"I know…" My mother sighs and picks at the last two fries on her tray. "I talked to her after the Choosing Ceremony. She felt betrayed by her own daughter, Blaire. Bailey was all that woman had."

As my mother continues on about Bailey's mother, my eyes follow Eric as he strides into the cafeteria. Instead of going to his normal table, he continues toward my parents and I. _Please no_. I swallow hard and look back at my parents. Maybe if I don't look, he'll disappear.

"Who is that?" My mother points to Eric and I shush her, while simultaneously covering my eyes with my hands.

"Please, please… Don't look at him!" I snap.

"What's wrong, Blaire?" She laughs quietly.

"He's a leader!" I gently slap her hand away. "Stop pointing."

My father squints in Eric's direction. "My god! He has a lot of facial piercings, doesn't h— OW!" My mother elbows him in the ribs.

"Am I interrupting anything?" Eric's voice sends shivers down my spine. I look up at him slowly, his harsh words from the other night still engraved in my mind.

"Actually, yes." My eyebrows rise. "I'm catching up with my parents, so—"

"Oh, please…" My mother stands up and holds her hand out. "Don't mind her. We would love for you to join us… I'm Cécile Lana, Blaire's mother." Their hands shake and then Eric gives a stiff but charming smile.

"My name is Eric Hale. I am a Dauntless leader and I have actually been overseeing your daughter's training."

"I hope that's all you've been _overseeing_." My father mutters as he stands up and offers Eric his hand.

Eric smirks and I roll my eyes. "Father, really?"

"Blaire has been very successful so far in initiation, Mr. and Mrs. Lana." He pushes his rough hands into his jean pockets. "She will make an excellent addition to our faction."

My mother beams with relief. "That is wonderful news, Blaire… I've heard horror stories of Dauntless initiation and I've been worrying since you left."

"Eric, please join us." My father clears his throat. "I'd like to speak with you about some things."

Both of my parents take their seat again and Eric sits down next to me. We are so close that his arm brushes against mine when he reaches for a hamburger. "What would you like to know, Mr. Lana?" He smirks as he squirts ketchup onto the hamburger bun.

"First, I would like you to call me Adam." My father scratches at the slight scruff on his chin and inside I scream. Why am I being tortured? What the hell did I do to deserve this?

"I'll do my best." Eric says before biting into his food.

"Second, I would like to know how the living quarters were constructed into these caves. It's mind-blowing…" I watch as my father leans forward and rests his head in his hands.

Eric finishes chewing and then tucks a strand of hair behind his left ear. "They were constructed before I was born, so I'm not entirely sure. Although I do know that the old subway system had something to do with the creation of the Dauntless headquarters."

"Fascinating…" My father sighs and strokes his chin.

My mother wipes the corners of her lips with a sleeve. She must have taken notice that Dauntless do not use napkins. "Enough with the rock talk, _please_, Adam."

"It's quite alright, Mrs. Lana." Eric shakes his head and takes the last bite of his hamburger. He swallows slowly. "I should be getting back to work anyway." He gently slaps his palms to the tabletop and holds his hand out for my father. "It's been a pleasure meeting you, Adam."

They shake hands and my father nods curtly. "Take care, Eric."

"Mrs. Lana…" He gives her a faint smile before leaning closer to me. "I'd like to speak with you later. When you get the chance, that is." Eric then stands and walks out of the cafeteria, his posture steady.

My jaw unclenches and I look down at the half-eaten hamburger. What just happened? I feel like I have whiplash.

"What will you two be _speaking_ about?" My father asks skeptically. I look up, my face red.

"I have no idea! It's not what you think… I barely know him."

"He's a nice young man, Blaire." My mother says after taking a sip from her water. "Or at least from what I've seen."

"I counted nearly eighteen piercings…"

I groan and cover my face again. "Mother, stop him…"

"Adam, you're embarrassing your daughter!" She elbows him again and stands up.

"Where are you going?" My eyes follow her as she walks around to my side of the table. She opens her arms for an embrace.

"Your father and I should be leaving. We don't want you to seem too attached to us." She laughs and hugs me tightly, pulling me back into a standing position. "Please stay safe. Don't go jumping off the rocks your father is obsessed with, okay?"

"I promise…" I murmur as I press my face into her shoulder. "I love you. I love you both so much."

"We love you too, sweetheart. And we're both so proud of you." She presses her lips to my forehead and sighs.


	11. Chapter 10: Keep Me Quiet

**Chapter 10: Keep Me Quiet**

My knuckles hover next to the door to Eric's office. What could he _possibly_ want? Revenge. He could definitely want that… But he was so polite to my mother and father... There was no sense of bitterness around my parents. Hell, he complimented me. Biting down on my bottom lip, I knock three times on the door. Immediate nervousness sweeps over me and I'm praying that he went to dinner.

"Come in…" He tiredly calls from inside. I hear the shuffling of papers as my shaky hands grasp the doorknob. Once I'm in, he sighs and stands up, coming toward me quietly.

"You wanted me for something…?" I ask gently, checking his hands for possible weapons. But they're completely empty. _Wait_, what the hell am I thinking? Eric's bare hands are deadly weapons.

Eric nods and closes the office door, stopping within inches of me. The scent of his sweatshirt is oddly comforting and the heat radiating off of his skin makes me shiver. "I wanted to apologize… For what I said to you the other night."

My nose scrunches up as I stare at him. _Eric_ wants to apologize? Today is so strange. "I didn't think _apologize_ was in your vocabulary." I smile playfully.

His cold eyes lower and he takes a step closer to me. Now his hands are planted against the wall on either side of my face. I'm trapped. I'm pressed against the wall with his hands preventing my escape and his body within inches of mine.

"It's usually not, but what you did took balls." A wicked smile forms over his lips. "Standing up for yourself against a Dauntless leaders… What you said sort…_hit me_."

I swallow nervously, my eyes fleeing to the floor. He's treating me like prey. He's the lion and I'm the helpless prey. "I don't want your apology. I wasn't expecting it when I said it."

He sighs before touching his left hand to my chin. My blood runs cold from the feeling of his fingers. Gently, he tilts my face up. "I don't want you to be afraid of me…" Eric murmurs, his eyes searching mine. "If anything, be afraid of Four. Don't trust him."

"Why not?" I ask, my voice nearly silent.

"Just trust me…" He traces my jaw with his fingertips and I immediately jerk my head back.

"Please, don't..."

"Sorry." He holds his hands up and steps back, leaving me room to go to the door. "Look, don't go yet. Just listen… I just…" Eric sighs. "I don't know how to explain it, Blaire, but I feel protective over you." He runs his hand through his hair. "I hate everyone, but I need to be around you… If I'm not, it's like I can't breathe…"

"You're insane!" I turn away from the door. "You come off as a _monster_! A leader who hits girls and hates the world… Then a second later, you're suddenly some kind of sensitive guy? I'm sorry but you're giving me a fucking headache!"

"How do you think I feel?" He yells, stepping toward me again. "I have never in my life been this confused! You're ripping me apart! I can hardly do my job, because I'm constantly worrying about you."

"ME?!" I shove his chest hard. "God dammit, I haven't done anything t0 purposely make you feel that way!" I shove him again and he snatches my wrist, swiftly pulling my body against his. My heart starts to race.

"You scare the shit out of me." He murmurs, letting his eyes search mine. "Everything you do… You're perfect at it. The shooting, fighting, throwing… Blaire, you had the highest score out of all the initiates in stage one. Dauntless-borns and transfers…"

My eyes widen in disbelief. "I-I did?"

He nods. "Yes, you did. Other initiates will be jealous, Blaire… You have to pay attention from now on."

"What are they going to do?"

Eric runs his cold fingers through my dark hair. "They might not do anything, but I don't want you to do anything stupid."

My brows furrow. "I've never done anything stupid!"

"That's debatable." Eric smirks and bites down on two of the rings in his bottom lip.

"Is no—"

He covers my mouth with his cold hand. "If someone comes after you, kill them…" He watches my nervous expression. "You won't get in trouble, just make sure you find me before you find anyone else."  
I stare at him uneasily and gently slap his hand from my mouth. "Kill them?! How can you tell me that?"

"Blaire, please…" Eric sighs. "It would make me feel better if you could just agree."

My head shakes again. "No! I could never kill anyone!"

Eric grabs my face and leans down, so that we are separated by centimeters. Our lips don't touch, but they are close so close that I can't breathe. "You are brave, Blaire. You are _so_ _brave._"

I go directly to the initiate dormitory after Eric's office. I find myself pacing back and forth in the room, trying to analyze his words. Why does he feel protective over _me_? Did I ever give off the impression that I wanted his help? I lean against the wall and sigh heavily as I rub my temples. It feels like my brain is going to explode. Eric makes me feel so many emotions at once that it's hard for my brain to function properly. He makes me feel uncomfortable, like I'm about to burst into flames. He makes me feel fidgety and nervous and faint and stupid and angry all at the same time. When he's around my palms sweat and my heart races.

"Blaire?" Someone touches my waist. A scream erupts from my lips and I spin around, pressing one of my hands to my mouth to muffle the noise. It's Brett. He stares at me fearfully.

"Sorry!" I cover my face and try to breathe normally. "Sorry…"

"Jesus…" He sighs. "What's wrong?"

"Sorry!" I repeat. "I thought I was alone… And I didn't hear you come in."

He watches me for a few seconds. "It's fine… I just didn't know where you were during dinner and I didn't know if you knew that rankings were going up. Four's posting them right now outside."

"Oh…" I bite down on my bottom lip. "Well thank you for telling me. I didn't know."

He nods. "Where were you during dinner?"

I look up at him and shrug my shoulders, sudden anger bubbling in my chest. Why is he asking so many questions? "I was talking with somebody."

His eyes lower. "Somebody…?"

"Oh, so now I have to ask for your permission too? We're friends, Brett! That's what we are! And we'll never be more than that!" I push past him and stride angrily out of the initiate dorms.

There are initiates standing near the wall across from the dormitory door. Four leans against the wall. He must have the rankings. Some of initiates are pushing and others and chatting anxiously. I spot Bailey and Zayn in the back, waiting to see the list of names.

"Let me explain how these ranks are determined." Four starts. "After the first round of fights, we ranked you according to skill level. The number of points you earn depends on your skill level and the skill level of the person you beat. You earn more points for improving and more points for beating someone of a higher skill level."

As he continues talking, I weave my way through the crowd until I reach Bailey. She glances at me through her bruised features and then intertwines her fingers with mine.

"If you have a high rank, you lose points for losing to a low-ranked opponent." Four pauses and clears his throat. "Stage two of training is weighed more heavily than stage one, because it is more closely tied to overcoming cowardice. Consider yourself warned, because it is extremely difficult to rank high in the end of initiation if you start with a low rank."

Bailey shifts nervously in her spot. I can't imagine how low her rank is and judging by her movements, she is also very nervous. She did not win one fight, but she was good at shooting.

"We will announce cuts tomorrow." Four's dark blue eyes scan the crowd of initiates. "The fact that eight of you are transfers and the rest are Dauntless-born initiates will not be taken into consideration. Four of them could be factionless or four of you could be factionless. Or any other combination. With that in mind, here are your ranks." His long fingers hang a small blackboard on a hook before he steps away.

My heart shatters. No. No. _No. _Bailey cannot be on the bottom! She cannot be factionless… She's my best friend! I cannot leave her… We chose to come here together.

Her fingers tighten around mine but she doesn't speak. She doesn't even look in my direction. Bailey lets go of my hand and steps back from the crowd before striding down the hallway. Zayn then looks at me silently and jogs after her.

She's jealous. I know my best friend. There were no congratulations from her. Bailey didn't even smile at me. She wants to be in my position, because in all honesty, who wouldn't want to be the first ranked transfer initiate? Did she think that I was not going to do things to my best ability, in order to stay closely ranked with her? Is that what a real best friend does? If it is, then I guess I'm not a good friend. I work hard for my rank. She works hard for her boyfriend.

The noise in the hall starts to dim as the initiates make their way into the dorm for the night. Four pockets the chalk that he used on the blackboard and then pats my shoulder before walking on. "Congratulations, Blaire."


	12. Chapter 11: Sing For The Lion and Lamb

**Chapter 11: Sing For The Lion And Lamb**

That night I have trouble falling asleep. The dormitory used to seem loud to me, will all the breathing, but now it is too quiet. When it's quiet, my mind wanders to my family and to Bailey.

I roll onto my stomach and bury my face into the pillow. If Bailey is cut, I can't imagine saying goodbye to her. Once she leaves the compound, she is factionless. I will never see her again. My partner in crime, _gone_.

I'm scared of life without her.

I never ended up falling asleep last night, so I get out of bed around seven-thirty. We have the day off so most of the initiates are still sleeping, except for the sound of someone brushing their teeth in the bathroom and Brett's lingering eyes as I stand up. Ignoring him, I walk over to the shelves that hold girl's clothing and pull down a black hoodie. Facing away from the beds, I quickly slide off my t-shirt and replace it with the hoodie. Then I find black jeans and slide them and boots on before walking out of the dorm.

The Pit is creepily silent, with the only sounds coming from the crashing of water against the chasm walls. Listening to the violent water sends goose bumps over my arms as I walk. It reminds me of nearly drowning in the marsh. Ever since then, the thought of water has made my skin crawl.

After wandering around, I find myself face to face with the front of the tattoo parlor. The door is propped open and lights are on, so Tori must already be in there. Smiling faintly, I take a step in and look around.

"Tori?" No one answers at first, but I can hear the rustling of papers in the back room. "Tori?" I repeat, a little louder this time.

"Coming…" She says brightly. There's the screech of a chair against the stone floor and then the tattered red curtain slides open. Tori stands there, her black and gray hair tied up into a loose bun. Her tired expression slowly turns to a grin.

"Look who it is…" She smirks. "Little Miss Dauntless. What're you doing awake so early?"

I shrug and watch as she comes closer. "I don't know why I'm up already, but I am suddenly thinking of treating myself to some more tattoos."

"You're already addicted to them, huh?" Tori instinctively flips through her design book. "I predicted that you wouldn't be back until at least the third stage of initiation."

"Well then, I guess I _am_ addicted." Smiling, I bite down on my bottom lip. "I just love my first one… And I have an idea for two more." I reach up and point to the_ free_ tattoo on my neck. "I want the same font and size but have it on my ribs this time."

Tori nods and leans against the table that holds her design books. "Piece of cake. What do you want it to say?"

"Brave." I smile triumphantly as I think of Eric's words from last night. _You are brave, Blaire. You are so brave. _If he believes in my bravery than I want to as well. I pull up the side of my hoodie and run my fingertips over my ribs. "Somewhere around here."

"Beautiful!" She smiles and opens her arms to one of the chairs. "How about the third one?"

I smile mischievously and pull my long hair to one side. "The Dauntless symbol behind my ear."

Tori nods and ties my hair back for me. "Well, have a seat and I'll get set up."

About and hour later, I'm lying on one of the cushioned tables, watching as Tori works on another girl's tattoo. After completing mine, Tori allowed me to stay with her and help. Of course, I was ecstatic.

"Lauren…" Tori mumbles as she shades in the tiny spider tattoo on the girl's back. "Do you know Blaire?"

Lauren looks back at me, careful not to mess up Tori's shading, and smiles. "She was the first jumper."

I nod. "You've been training the Dauntless-born, haven't you?"

"Yes." She grins. "But according to Eric, you're better than most of my initiates."

Why would he be talking about me with other trainers? My cheeks go red. "He said that?"

Lauren turns back around so that Tori can finish. "Well, Four has mentioned you a few times as well… But anyway, congratulations on ranking first for the first stage!"

"You're going to have to work twice as hard for the second stage, Blaire." Tori smiles as she dabs Lauren's shoulder with a wet paper towel. "It's much different."

"What do you mean?" Raising an eyebrow, I unconsciously spin the ring in my bottom lip.

"You'll find out tomorrow." Lauren laughs quietly. "It wouldn't be fair if you knew before everyone else."

"True." I shrug and watch as Tori stands up.

"You're done, Lauren."

I climb off the table and walk over to inspect her work. "Why did you get a spider?"

Lauren pulls her dark hair into a ponytail as Tori tapes a wet cloth to the tattoo. "I'm scared of spiders." She smiles faintly. "Having one on me at all times will remind me of how I've over come my fears."

I know that's a hint at our next stage in initiation. Fear simulations.

I make my way back to the dorms around three that afternoon. Tori showed me how design a tattoo and how to actually apply one to a person's skin. I practiced a few times on special paper and realized how much of a steady hand it requires. I stroll through the hallways slowly, dragging my fingertips against the rough walls. I can't wait for initiation so I can help Tori more often. I also can't wait to show everyone my two new tattoos.

When I turn the corner, I notice Rebecca and John standing by the small blackboard that Four hung up last night. Rebecca is hugging the thin boy awkwardly as he sobs. I've never heard a boy sob so loudly. My heart begins to pound uncontrollably. _The cuts... _I had completely forgotten about them. I run forward, searching the board fearfully. There it is… Bailey's name with a line drawn through it.

"Bailey?!" I yell, turning around nervously. "BAILEY?!" I push past Rebecca and run into the empty dormitory. Her bed covers are pulled up and folded neatly. "B-Bailey!" She has to be here somewhere. _She just has to_.

I'm sprinting down the hallway. The rubber soles of my black boots pound the hard floor loudly and my long ponytail trails out behind my body. Tears drip from my cheeks and plop onto my hoodie. Dauntless stare as I pass them, but I push through their groups and continue running toward his office.

My trembling hands grasp the worn metal doorknob and I shove the door open, practically stumbling into his office. Four sits at his desk facing Eric, who's leaning against the wall and talking. They both freeze, staring at me confused.

I let the tears fall, uncaring of what they have to say about my swollen eyes or wet cheeks. "Where is she?!"

Four swallows and glances at Eric, probably expecting back up. But Eric just watches me, his eyes unfaltering.

I stride over to Four's desk and smack the large pile of folders off his desk in one swift movement. "ANSWER ME!" I scream as loose papers scatter onto the floor and float about Four's office.

Four's jaw clenches but he stays in his seat. "You're an hour too late…" He sighs quietly. "Her and Zayn left. John was supposed to be cut, but Zayn took his spot. _Now,_ would you either pick up my papers or leave, please?"

"I would never help you!" My fingers clench into fists. "You can go to hell! Bailey and I d-decided to d-do this together! She was my best f-friend and I-I will n-never see her again… Damn you! Go to hell, Four! "

"That's enough." Eric murmurs and wraps his hands around my waist.

"N-No!" I try to push him back, but Eric yanks me sharply toward the door and slams it with his foot.

"I said nothing stupid!" He growls, still dragging me down the hallway.

I trip a few times, trying to catch up with Eric. "You don't get it…" I sniffle, bumping my nose into his back when he stops abruptly.

He stuffs his hands into his jean pockets and rolls his eyes before pulling a key out. "Oh calm down, would you?" He pushes his bedroom door open and pulls me in. "You were about two seconds away from having your ass handed to you from Four. You're practically asking to be factionless, Blaire." He locks his bedroom door and then tosses his key onto a dusty bureau. This is the first time I've been in his bedroom, and it's just how I expected it. Empty, apart from his bed, bureau, and a small nightstand with a handgun on it.

"She was practically my sister, Eric…" I wipe two new tears from my cheeks. "For all I know, she's already dead. I will never see her again."

Eric sighs and steps closer to me, resting his left hand under my hair. He gently touches the wet bandage covering my tattoo and looks into my eyes. "What is it?" He murmurs, slowly pressing his forehead to mine.

My lips part as I watch him. His long hair tickles my cheeks and I shiver, before finally answering. "The Dauntless symbol."

His cold eyes close and he gives a slight smile. "You belong here, Blaire… Even if she was your friend, Bailey didn't belong here."

"I just wish I could have apologized to her."

"I'm sure she knows…" He whispers.

In this moment, everything clicks into place. Eric has given me so much since we first met. He may be difficult, stubborn, rude, idiotic, immature, evil, harsh, and cold but I am madly in love with _him_. This entire time I was trying to force myself to like Brett, but my heart couldn't get past Eric.

I reach up and grip the material of his black shirt. Closing my eyes, I slowly pull his face into mine and then press my lips to his. The silver rings in his lips are icy against my skin. After a few seconds, he breathes out quietly and kisses me harder. I wrap my arms around his neck and lean onto my tippy toes, smiling over his lips as he pushes my head back and forth from the force of his kisses.

Nothing has ever felt so right to me. It's not awkward or uncomfortable with Eric. It's beautiful, and I don't ever want to be away from him.


	13. Chapter 12: With An Ocean In the Way

**Chapter 12: ****With An Ocean In the Way**

An alarm startles me awake the next morning. My eyes flutter open, but I stay still, hoping that he won't make me go to training. Eric groans and rolls over, ignoring the alarm. It continues to sound as he nuzzles his face into the pillow.

After about thirty seconds, I poke his cheek. "Turn it off…"

"Shut up." He mutters and rolls over again, this time slamming his hand to the clock. The beeping stops immediately.

"You have to get up…" I pull the covers up to my chin.

"I can do whatever I want." Eric mumbles and closes his eyes again. "I'm a fucking leader."

"Come back." I tug on the back of his t-shirt and giggle quietly.

"No. You have to get dressed."

"Do I have to go?" Whining, I move onto my belly and lean over his face. "Can I show up late or something?"

"No, idiot..." He rolls his eyes and pushes his fingers into my hair. "You have to go and _pretend_ you hate me, remember?"  
I pout playfully. "Why?"

"Hmm…" He yawns. "I have a laundry list of reasons. The first is that—" I press my lips to his. He kisses back a few times and breathes out loudly before pulling away. "You're an initiate and I'm a leader. I can't loose my job… Also—" This time when we kiss, he abruptly pulls me onto his waist and then rolls over, flipping me onto my back. I giggle and bite down on the rings in his lip before wrapping my legs around his waist. "But seriously..." He sighs and kisses me once more. "No one can find out until initiation is over."  
"That's a stupid rule." I roll my eyes and push him off before climbing out of the bed. Eric flips around in the covers, watching as I pull on my jeans from yesterday.

"Stop complaining and get _out_…" He groans and hides his face in a pillow.

Ignoring him, I wander over to the bureau and pull out a plain black sweatshirt. There's a hole around the front pocket, but I don't care. Then I tie my hair into a ponytail and pull on my boots.

"I might be overseeing your training today." Eric murmurs, stretching one of his arms out. "_Might_. I haven't decided if I want Four seeing certain things about you."

"What do you mean?" I ask, crawling back onto his bed.

"You won't understand yet." He reaches for my arm and rubs it gently, his dark eyes softer than I've ever seen them. "Now get out. I'd like to catch up on at least an hour of sleep. You snore like a fucking rhinoceros." Eric rolls over and fixes the covers.

"Night, princess." Smirking, I hop down from his bed and trot out of the room.

Brett sits across from me, his eyes watching my movements. He's actually been staring for so long that I'm starting to wonder if he is reading my every thought. My eyes are fixed on the hard floor, as I listen to the soft chatter of Dauntless-born and transfer initiates. We were separated during stage one, but we will be training together from now on. At least that's what Four told us before he disappeared behind the door.

Next to me, Gunner nudges my arm. "I was thinking about wishing you good luck, until I realized your score is higher than mine."

"You're about as surprised as I am."

"Well, don't be surprised when I surpass your score during this stage." He smirks and leans against the wall again.

Just as I go to open my mouth, the door opens and Four stands there, beckoning to Gunner. "You're turn." Gunner clears his throat and nods before standing up slowly. He then glances back at me and gives a thumbs up.  
"You're going down."

I laugh quietly and nod, watching as he sneaks behind the door. "No I'm not."

We sit in silence for twenty minutes, and each one wears into me like sharp knife. Gradually, our numbers begin to dwindle, and it's just me and Brett and John. John clears his throat nervously every few seconds, Brett's shoes tap the ground, and my fingers twirl the ends of my long brown hair. I hear murmuring at the end of the hall and I suspect this is another part of the game they like to play with us. Terrifying us at every opportunity.

The door opens, and Four beckons to me. "Come on in, Blaire."

I stand, wipe my damp palms against my jeans, and then walk past the other initiates. Brett's eyes follow as I pass, but I don't say a word to him.

Four gently presses one of his hands to the small of my back and guides me into the room. I'm not nervous until I see what's inside. My stomach twists into a tight knot.

In the room is a reclining metal chair; similar to the one I sat in during the aptitude test. Beside it is a familiar machine. There is a computer screen on a desk in the corner. "What kind of simulation is this?" I ask nervously, taking a step back from the chair.

"The _face your fears_ type." He says, pressing me into the seat. "The simulation will teach you to control your emotions in the midst of a frightening situation."

My hands grip the armrests as I shakily take a seat. Even though simulations aren't real, my instincts feel otherwise. Facing my fears through a simulation? I'm not even sure what my biggest fears are. I press my skull against the headrest and slowly shut my eyes. "Is this like the aptitude test?"

"Sort of." He replies, slowly brushing my neck with his hand. His skin is much smoother than Eric's. He taps something and my eyes snap open. Four holds a syringe with a long needle in one hand, his thumb against the plunger. The liquid in the syringe is a deep tint of orange. My body tenses and I thrust my arms out to block his chest, as he moves forward.

"NO! N-No…"

"It's just an injection for the simulation, Blaire." He says quietly. "A different serum. There's no wires or electrodes this time."

"Get that away from me." My jaw clenches.

He smirks playfully. "What're you afraid?"

"Precisely."

"Oh, come on." Four's eyes roll and he moves his hand toward my neck. "Close your eyes again and you won't feel a thing."

I grab his wrist, my hands starting to shake. "Please, Four! Just use the wires for me…"

"Sorry, but that's not possible, Blaire." In one swift movement, he smacks my hand away and drives the tip of the needle into the tender skin on the side of my neck. I gasp and freeze, my blood running cold from the deep ache that begins to spread through my throat. Four must notice my wincing, because he sighs and runs his fingers over my forehead. "The serum will go into effect in sixty seconds. This simulation is different from the aptitude test." He clears his throat. "In addition to containing a transmitter, the serum will stimulate the amygdala, which is the part of the brain involved in processing negative emotions—like fear—and then induces a hallucination. The electrical activity is then transmitted to our computer, which then translates your hallucinations into a simulated image that I can see and monitor. I will then forward your recording to Dauntless administrators." He sits down at the lone computer. "You stay in the hallucination until you calm down—that is, lower your heart rate and control your breathing."

His lips no longer match the sound of his words. My thoughts are going haywire. My palms are clammy. My heart races. My heart begins to hammer against my ribcage. I can't breathe. "Four…?" My voice is distant.

"Just breathe." Four begins typing. "The first time is always the hardest."

The room is dark and the air is warm. My back is pressed against something solid, most likely a wall of some sort, and my legs are folded at my side. Feeling quite uncomfortable, I stretch out my legs, quickly becoming aware of the size of the room. My legs do not fully extend. My heart drops and I stretch out my arms nervously. There's another wall. _No. No…_ I press the bottom of my boots to the wall in front of me and push, hoping it will budge. Nothing. Tiny whimpers erupt from my lips, as I repeatedly kick at the walls. "Let me out!" I breathe nervously, as sweat starts to form on my forehead and my upper lip. "HELP!" I scream, kicking harder. "L-LET ME OUT!"

Within a few minutes, the warm air becomes harder to breathe. It's thick and stale. I gasp for new air every second, but nothing helps. My shoulders droop back against the wall, my legs suddenly too tired to kick. I'm suffocating.

_Calm down. Lower your heart rate. Control your breathing. _I tell myself. It's the only way I can pass this simulation. Passing simulations is the only way to complete initiation. My eyes shut tightly and I inhale the warm air. Then I slowly let the air escape through my lips. I repeat this three times, before silently counting to ten. On ten, the simulation changes.

This time, my eyes open and immediately burn. I go to take a deep breath and water pours into my body through my nose and mouth. My body jolts upward, struggling to break the surface. The more I splash and flail underwater, the more liquid my lungs take in. I'm drowning. I'm _dying_. And even though it's a simulation, it feels so realistic. If I could just swim to the surface… I panic, my arms and legs going in every direction. Calming down is unmanageable in this situation.

A beautiful noise fills my ears. The repeated thumping crushes me and blocks every other sound. My limbs go still and the pain overwhelms me.

My eyes snap open and I burst into a coughing fit. I can still taste the salty water. It burns my eyes and throat and nose. Then without warning, I hunch over in the chair and vomit.

"What the hell is going on?" A hand touches my shoulder and my head just shakes, as I dry heave.

"She drowned." Four mutters. "She couldn't even pass the second fear."

"It's better than most transfers! Get out!" Eric rounds on Four and then bends down next to me. "Best if you just head back to your dorm, Blaire." Eric murmurs and pulls pieces of my hair away from my lips, once Four has exited the room. He rubs my back, as tears start to roll down my cheeks. "Stop crying, Blaire."

I wipe my palm across my lips and exhale shakily. "I-I can't b-breathe."

Eric grabs my chin, his jaw clenched. "Stop crying!"

Through my blur of tears, I fling a fist out, hitting something solid but soft. Eric grabs my arm, roughly hauling me out of the chair. Worried of what he'll do, I yank my arms from his grasp.

"Did you think overcoming cowardice would be easy?" Eric asks irritably.

"STOP YELLING AT ME!" I yell, wiping my cheeks with the heel of my hand.

"WELL DID YOU?!" He roars, grabbing the collar of my—well—his sweatshirt. "IT'S NOT!"

"I-I tried!" I splutter, still trying to breathe normally.

"Then next time, don't quit." He says blankly. "I watched, Blaire. You quit..." Eric takes a step back from me and pushes his hands into his pockets. "If you do something like that again, you might as well leave."

"But…" My voice trembles. "I'm not the only one who has trouble the first time. Four said so himself."

He shakes his head. "Don't compare yourself to anyone. You have more talent than all of them put together, and you're just wasting it."

"I was drowning…" I murmur, looking up from the ground.

He rolls his eyes. "It's just a simulation, Blaire. Get used to it. You're going to keep drowning until you pass. Then you're going to go into the next fear and the next one, until you pass through them all with ease."

"I'm sorry…"

Eric rubs the back of his neck and sighs, avoiding my eyes. "Don't apologize to me. But if you don't get your shit together, don't expect to rank first again."

I stand there, watching as he turns and strides down the hallway.


	14. Chapter 13: Close Your Eyes

**Chapter 13: Close Your Eyes, Start to Breathe**

I've never had such a horrible dream. Blinding pictures flash before my sleepy eyes. My twin brother. A gun. Four. My mother. Bailey. Four's long fingers threaten to pull the trigger on each of them, but I whimper at his feet, begging him to kill me instead. When he looks down, I notice that Four's eyes are nothing but hollow pits of blackness. He's a _monster_. He looks away and raises his arm, aiming at Bailey first. There are three flashes, each one belonging to an earth-shattering noise.

_Bang. _

_Bang. _

_Bang._

My body shoots up in bed so quickly that the old headboard squeaks behind me. Sweat covers my entire frame and drenches the chest of my tank top. My heart rattles nervously as I scan my surroundings. _Just a dream_. Okay. I run my fingers through my damp hair and slowly crawl out of bed. I need fresh air, at least for a few minutes. I have to walk off the mental images of my twin brother's bloodied face. Not even bothering to put on a proper pair of pants, I jog to the dormitory door. Fresh, cold air immediately splashes my cheeks once the door is open. Inhaling and exhaling slowly, I continue taking tiny steps down the dark hallway. I dig my fingertips into my temples and close my eyes, forcing myself to forget the dream.

Someone grabs me from behind.

A scream rises from my throat, but a hand claps over my mouth before the noise escapes. It's big enough to cover the lower half of my face. I start to thrash, but the arms holding me are too strong.

"Stop squirming." He growls and my heart falls. That voice is smooth and oddly familiar. Brett.

He smacks a strip of duck tape onto my mouth before shoving me backwards. The back of my skull hits the rocky walls and everything goes momentarily fuzzy. Brett grabs ahold of my neck and whacks me against the wall again. This time, I go completely limp in his arms. My legs give out and I fall forward, giving him the perfect opportunity to lift me. The pain of my rattled brain is too powerful to move or to scream as he carries me to some sort of supply closet down the hall.

Brett lets my body slide onto the floor before he kneels down next to me. "I thought you were stronger than this, sweetheart." He smirks and touches the side of my head. A sharp pain sends pins and needles to my toes, and when his fingers pull away, they are a deep crimson color. "You won all of your fights, didn't you? You're pretty much the reason why Bailey and Zayn are factionless, so what's stopping you now?"

My eyes droop slightly but follow his movements. My surroundings spin as he crawls on top of my body. Whimpering against the duck tape, I press my hands to his chest but he slaps them away. My blood runs cold when I feel his cold hands on my bare legs. _Oh god, no_.

Brett tugs on the hem of my shorts and I squirm, ignoring the sharp pains that radiate from my head and neck. "Just be a good girl for once…." He says as his one hand grabs my hip and pins me to the floor, the other hand slides under my t-shirt. I thrash harder, this time screaming against the duck tape and kicking out. Brett grunts when one of my knees connects with his stomach. "Dammit, Blaire. You have to make everything difficult, don't you?"

He reaches into the pocket of his hoodie and slowly pulls out a knife. Even in the dark room, the polished metal gleams. I wiggle around nervously, trying to flip onto my stomach and eventually my feet. But he straddles my waist and violently grabs a hold of my face, pressing the cold blade against my tear-soaked cheeks.

"I've loved you since second grade…" He murmurs as he slowly drags the knife across my cheek. The blade cuts into my skin as if it's warm butter. More tears start to roll from my eyes as pain overwhelms my other senses, and the strong tape muffles my whimpers. "But it's obvious you love that _monster_. Why won't you love me back?" Brett removes the knife from my face and presses it to my neck, as his other hand slowly slides my shorts down.

I've never felt so powerless before. Blood runs down my right cheek and trickles from the back of my head. I'm dizzy and too tired of fighting. Pain. Not only physical but also psychological pain drowns my nervous system. I couldn't protect myself. There's no use in trying anything, because he's in full control now. If I'm about to die then, God, please make it quick.

Dreaming or awake, I'm not sure, but the closet door slowly unlocks. Another shadow stands stiffly in the doorway. He steps closer every few seconds and my clouded eyes strain to examine his features. I pray that it's Eric. I'd give anything just to see him one more time.

The shadow presses his index finger to his lips and for a few seconds he's still. Then he dives forward, thrusting his left arm toward Brett's back. Brett gasps and immediately slumps forward, relaxing the knife against my neck. The shadow throws Brett onto his back and repeatedly kicks his crumpled figure. He kicks until there's a gurgling noise. Then he falls onto his knees and stares down at Brett. "See you in hell, you sick bastard." The man shoves the bloodied dagger into Brett's stomach.

Brett is gone now, but he was right. I'm always difficult. If I just learned to love Brett, none of this would have happened. I wish I learned to accept people as easily as Bailey did. But none of it matters anymore, because my body is heavy and so is the air around me. Breathing does little for my lungs.

I exhale slowly.

My eyes droop closed.

My body relaxes and Eric's words replay in my mind.

_You are so brave, Blaire. _


	15. Chapter 14: Circle The Drain

**Chapter 14: Circle The Drain**

My eyes slowly flutter open. The bright lights above burn, forcing tears to form and roll down my cheeks. When my eyes finally focus, I am confused by my surroundings. The walls are white. The scratchy sheets that I have become accustomed to are smooth and new. I glance to my right, finding the source of a constant beeping sound. A heart monitor. _What the hell is going on? _I press my palms to the mattress and start to sit up.

"Going somewhere?" Eric's sarcastic voice fills the room.

Startled, I turn my head to the right, a sudden sharp pain radiating down my neck. "Ow…" I reach my fingers to the back of my head.

"_Don't_ touch it!" He jumps to his feet and snatches my hand. Then he leans on the edge of the mattress and presses on my shoulder. "Lie back down…"

"Where am I?" I shake his hand off.

"Hospital."

"Where?"

Eric rolls his eyes and presses his palm to my mouth, forcing me to lie back down. "Erudite compound. Now stay still…"

I swat his hand away. "What's wrong with me?"

He smirks childishly and flops down on his stomach next to me. "There's tons of things wrong with you."

I sigh and close my eyes. "Why am I in the goddamn hospital, Eric?"

"See now you're being more specific…" He exhales and rests his head in his palms. "Intracranial hemorrhaging."

My eyes widen nervously. "_What_?"

Eric groans. "You've asked literally four questions in the last minute."

"I fucking hate you."

"I fucking hate you too, so we're even." He smirks and moves closer to me.

"You can't even show a little compassion? I'm in the hospital, jerk." I nudge him away, ignoring the stiff feeling in my neck.

"I have a reputation to uphold." Eric begins to spin one of the rings in his bottom lip. "I can't have people thinking I'm a big sissy."

"You're nothing of the sort."

His sarcastic smile fades as he looks into my eyes. "If you must know, I was very angry. Then when I saw you… I… I just lost it."

As he speaks, I start to remember what happened. It hurts to think back too far, but I can recollect the attack. Everything about the attack is haunting. The hungry look in Brett's eyes. His forcefulness… And it was so random. _The stranger_. It must've been Eric. "You killed Brett…" I murmur, my eyes connecting with his.

He shakes his head immediately. "I did no such thing."

"Then wh—?"

He gives me a stern look, and I realize I'm about to ask another question. My mouth closes again. "I was asleep like a normal person. Then someone knocked on my door around three-thirty and I was going to ignore it..." Eric gently rests his head on my chest. "But then I heard his voice from the other side of the door. He was yelling something about Blaire. Blaire's _dead." _He sighs. "I opened the door and Gunner was holding you… Blaire, you were literally _covered_ in blood. I didn't know what to do or where to start, so I brought you here."

"But you wouldn't help another initiate." I murmur, pushing my fingers into his long hair. "Gunner probably thinks it's suspicious..."

Eric nods. "I told him. A few days ago at breakfast… I told him to watch over you when I couldn't." He closes his dark eyes and slowly inhales. "You had at least four cat scans. They found the bleeding and you went right into surgery. Meanwhile, I wasn't allowed to see you."

"So what have you been doing?"

"Meetings." He shrugs. "You've been asleep for four days, Blaire."

"_Four?_" My eyes widen. "Holy shit... What about the fear simulations?"

"Calm down." Eric rubs his forehead. "Four doesn't know, but I've planned it all out. Gunner will rank first during this stage of initiation—"

"What?! But I want to rank first again…"

"Blaire, it's impossible." He says simply. "You've missed four days of training. I can make you rank second, if you can come back to the compound tonight."

"Tonigh—"

The door at the end of the room opens and I go silent. The woman turns after shutting the door behind her, and my mother's eyes greet mine. She looks tired. Dark circles have formed under her beautiful eyes. "Sleeping Beauty has arisen, huh?" She strides over to the bed and Eric slowly climbs off, before pushing his hands into his pockets.

"I'm going to get something to eat."

I glance in his direction, nodding once. Then I watch as my mother sits on the left side of the mattress.

"He loves you…" She smiles to herself, as she opens a tan folder.

My cheeks are suddenly warm. They're probably red, as well. "He doesn't love anyone… He's not like that."

My mother's eyes lower. "You two aren't much different. Your attitude and mannerisms, I mean… He's very quiet."

"Well you don't know him very well then."

"Maybe I don't…" She leans over, stroking my forehead. "All I know is that he saved my baby. And I will be forever grateful of that."

I watch her movements. I memorize the mixture of brown colors in her hair. She is beautiful. She is my mother.

"Do you think I'll be able to leave tonight?" I ask after a silent minute.

My mother nods. "I wouldn't advise it, Blaire, but you can." She then opens the folder and sighs. "Your brain was bounced around pretty bad. We had to give you seventeen stitches at the base of your neck and three on your cheek."

"My cheek?!" My fingers immediately find the thin bandage on my cheek and I remember. _His knife_.

"Don't worry." She smiles faintly. "Your Aunt Jeanine is paying for all of this. One of the scientists developed a powerful healing agent a few months ago and she approved it for your use. Nothing will scar."

My eyes close in relief. I couldn't manage having a scar across half of my face. "I'll have to thank her."

"Yes you will." My mother reaches into her pocket and pulls out a bottle of white pills. "These…" She shakes them gently. "They'll help with headaches, dizziness, and your concentration."

I nod. "How many should I take?"

"One in the morning and one in the afternoon. Preferably with breakfast and lunch."

"Thank you…" My voice is weak, as I try to avoid the tears.

"I'm your mother." She laughs and leans down, kissing my forehead. "Don't ever thank me for saving your life."

I roll my eyes as she stands up. "Whatever you say, Mother."

She smirks and fixes a few of the machines behind the head of the bed. "Are you and Eric being safe?"

"It's pretty hard to be a safe Dauntless."

"I meant sexually." She says simply.

My cheeks go red again and I cover my eyes. "That was so random! Please, I don't want to have this conversation right now…"

"Oh, please." She starts to laugh. "I'm a doctor. I love asking those kinds of questions."

"Well, no…. We haven't even…done anything like that." I answer quietly.

"Good." She smiles triumphantly and strides out of the room.


	16. Chapter 15: You Want A Revelation

**Chapter 15: You Want A Revelation**

"What're you doing?" Eric shuts the door and wraps his arms around my bare waist. "You shouldn't get up without my help. You're a klutz, I don't want you to hurt yourself any further." I feel his cold lip rings on my neck.

"I just wanted to get dressed." I nudge him back and continue pulling on the black leggings. I actually do appreciate him trying to help, but I never enjoyed feeling useless. "I don't need your assistance. Shouldn't you be working anyway?"

"I'm taking a small break to check up on you." He sighs and walks over to the bed before kicking his boots off and flopping onto his back. "Did you take your pills, druggie?"

Rolling my eyes, I quickly coax a t-shirt over my noggin. "Yes, daddy…"

"Damn." Eric smirks and rests his arms behind his head. "You're calling me daddy now? That's kind of _sexy_."

"Oh, go the hell back to work." I mutter, before slowly climbing onto the bed and over his legs.

Eric wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me in closer, so that we are face to face. He presses his lips to my forehead, then to my nose and my chin. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, Blaire…" He murmurs, his eyes searching mine. "He could've killed you."

"But he didn't…" I touch my fingertips to the side of his face and sigh. "I'm fine."

"He _raped_ you, Blaire." Eric says simply. "I will never forgive myself."

My eyes close when I hear _rape_. I didn't want him to ever bring that up. I didn't even want him to know, but my mother told him everything and, most likely, so did Gunner. It's uncomfortable and embarrassing that I couldn't protect myself. I wiggle in closer and push my face into his hoodie. "_Don't_."

He exhales slowly, pushing his fingers under my t-shirt and gently running them up and down my spine. I shiver at first, but it's an oddly soothing sensation. "You have to go back to the dorms tonight, Blaire."

I nod slowly, but stay completely silent.

"Everyone knows what happened… So just ignore any other questions."

"When can I sleep in here again?" I whisper, pulling my face from his chest.

He smirks and presses his lips to mine, his strong hands squeezing my ribcage. "Whenever you finish your fear simulations." Eric finally says.

I sigh. "Can we try them again tonight?"

"If you feel up to it."

"I will."

He pecks my lips quickly and then stands up, sliding his boots on again. "Okay. Just get some rest."

"Yeah, yeah…" I mutter, before fixing the pillows and closing my eyes again. The door slowly closes after a long sigh from Eric. It's kind of odd, comparing Eric now to Eric when I first transferred factions. He was harsh and sarcastic, but now he's protective and sarcastic. I'm not quite sure if I like the clinginess he suddenly has, but I would never complain aloud. I've never felt this way toward someone. It's actually kind of odd; like I can listen to him talk for hours and never get bored of what he's saying, or cuddle with him and never want to let go. But I wonder what he saw in me? I'm nothing special. What about me changed him?

_Calm down. Lower your heart rate. Control your breathing. _I tell myself. _It's the only way I can pass this simulation. Passing simulations is the only way to complete initiation_. I _have_ to rank second. My heart races as I begin to run out of air. _Calm down! _I think as my body relaxes and begins to float gracefully under the water. I sink further and further from the surface. My lungs feel as if they'll explode, but I ignore it and instead listen to my heart rate slow. And then everything goes black.

The simulation changes and now I'm sitting on something solid, which means I passed my second fear. _Good_. I don't know how much longer I could have lasted in there. My throat still burns from the salty water.

My fingers curiously crawl out in different directions, finding that the floor is cold yet soft. Moving onto my hands and knees, I edge forward, squinting to see my surroundings. After crawling for nearly thirty seconds, my fingers find something firm. I lean down, my eyes sweeping over a still body. Every nerve in my body tenses. Is he dead? I grab the stranger's shoulder and gently roll him onto his back. My heart stops and I fall onto my backside. _No… _Breathing nervously, I reach up to cover my face with my hands.

"Jack?" I ask quietly, my eyes searching his body for some kind of wound. It's nearly impossible to see in this dark room, but I can make out a stain on the front of his familiar blue sweater. Ever so gently, I press my palm to the wound and sigh.

"Blaire…?" Even at its weakest, I can recognize Jack's voice. My eyes focus on his and he exhales gently.

"What happened to you?" Tears start to rise in my eyes as I stare down at him. My own twin… My only sibling. He can't die. If Jack dies, a piece of me will be gone as well.

"I…" He closes his eyes.

"Jack!" I shake one of his shoulders. "Keep your eyes on me."

They open again and he reaches up to touch my face. "I miss you…"

Smiling faintly, the tears drip down my cheeks and I move closer to him. "I miss you too, Jack."

He pushes a tear off my cheek. "Don't cry..."

Him saying this reminds me of Eric. Eric told me not to cry, because it's a simulation. It's not real and I have to pass. I shake my head. "I won't… I'm sorry…"

Jack smiles weakly and closes his eyes, his hand falling from my cheek and flopping onto the ground within seconds. I close my eyes as well, digging my teeth into my lip to keep from crying.

The simulation changes and Eric is in a chair across from me. My eyebrows buckle, as I'm suddenly overcome with confusion. Is this real or still my fear simulation? I take a step toward him. "What are you doing?"

Eric's jaw clenches and he leans back tensely. Suddenly, something cold is pressed to the back of my neck. The hairs on my arms rise. "Don't move or I'll pull the fucking trigger."

Brett. I'll remember his voice for the rest of my life.

"W-What are you d-doing?" I stutter, my posture stiff and catlike.

"You're so predictable." Brett grabs my elbow and whips me around to face him. Then he places the barrel of the gun to my temple. "Come to rescue your Prince Charming?"

"You're not real." My eyes close so tightly that I can feel them twitching. "You're dead."

"Shh…" He slides the cold metal down to my lips and smirks. "I'm very much alive, sweetheart."

"You're a simulation!" I say angrily.

"Well…" He pushes my lips apart with the barrel of the gun. Tiny whimpers escape my mouth. "I'm going to kill you anyway."

I shove his hands away. "N-No!" My feet are glued to the ground, but I bolt to the side, trying to get away from Brett. He just laughs and wraps an arm around my torso.

"You're not going anywhere… You're staying right here, so Eric can watch." Brett digs the barrel into my skin and unclicks the safety. My heart starts to race, as I watch Eric. What if this isn't a simulation? What if Brett never died and he's really standing with a gun pressed to my head?

"Brett! Brett… Please don't!" I panic, my body squirming in his arms.

"Stop moving!" He yells.

"Brett!" Eric calls, while struggling to stand up. His hands must be tied to the back of the chair. "Don't shoot her! Don't… Just… shoot me instead."

"No!" I whine.

"Blaire, shut up!" Eric snarls.

Brett's grip gradually loosens and he removes the gun from my scalp. "Look at you being all noble today, Hale." I feel Brett's lips on my neck and I send my elbow back hard, connecting with his ribs. He grunts and then brings the butt of the gun back hard, hitting my jaw.

My legs must have given out, because I'm on my knees and looking up at Eric. I've never seen his eyes so wide. From behind me, I hear the sound of a bullet clicking into place and I stumble to my feet, falling into Eric's lap. I wrap my arms protectively around Eric's neck. "Don't! Brett, just leave us alone!" I screech, tears rising in my eyes again.

Brett just laughs and reaches over, digging his fingers into my long hair. "Don't be ridiculous! _I'm_ not going to shoot him, Blaire. You are." He then yanks me away from Eric and shoves the gun into my hand. "You have twenty seconds, beautiful. If you don't do it, I'll blow both your brains out."

My fingers wrap around the icy, unforgiving metal as my heart thumps against my ribcage. Then I look up from the weapon and stare into Eric's dark eyes. Most people would kill someone to save themselves, but I can't do that. I love him. I love Eric. _There_ I said it.

Brett continues to count backwards from twenty and I just stand, frozen in my spot.

"Blaire!" Eric murmurs. "Just do it… We're both going to die if you don't! Blaire, look at me! DO IT."

I can't even look at him. My eyes stay peeled to the floor. Then the gun slips from my fingers and clatters to the floor.

I hold my head in my hands and breathe deeply. So much for trying to get through all of my fears... When I lift my head, Eric is staring down at me through curious yet stern eyes.

"Don't be mad." I say nervously, my heart still rushing.

"It isn't real, Blaire!" He sighs and shoves his hands into his pockets.

"I couldn't kill you…" My head shakes. "It's asking to much of me."

He rolls his eyes and then sits down on the armrest. "Obviously loosing me is one of your fears, Blaire… I get it. You were afraid it was real. But you have to face your fears. That's what we do here… I'm not mad..." He leans down and strokes my cheek. Eric's hands are rough, but I still love the feeling of his warm skin on mine. I hope he can't feel cheeks burning up under his hand. "I _promise_ you that I will be here every time you wake up from that fear."

My eyes close and I unconsciously push my face into his hand. "Not again. I don't want to do it again tonight."

Eric nods and presses his lips—well—lip rings to my forehead. "Then I'll take these scores and everything will be posted tomorrow morning."

"I thought there were no cuts for stage two." I wrap my arms around his neck and, with one arm he easily scoops me up. He grabs a clipboard from the table he was sitting at and then continues to the door. I keep my legs wrapped around his waist.

"There aren't cuts." He pushes the door open and sighs. "It's just more of a wake up call. A lot of the ranks changed…yours included."

"But I was in the hospital for four days."

"Yeah, well I bet Gunner will be thrilled to hear he's ranked first." Eric disconnects my hands and I slide to the ground, pouting up at him. "What's wrong?" He walks past me, heading to his office.

"Do I have to go back to the dorms?" I ask, trotting after him.

"Yes." He points to another hallway. "Get going"

"Do you have my medicine?"

"Oh _fuck_." He stops and rolls his head. "The bottle is on my nightstand."

"Let's go get it…" I pull on his arm.

"No." Eric shakes his arm from my grasp. "I have to finish working. Go to bed, Blaire. I'll bring the bottle to breakfast."

"Fine. Goodnight, _grumpy_." I roll my eyes and lean up, grabbing ahold of his hoodie. Then I press my lips to his and turn, jogging down the hallway.

The dorm is nearly silent, except for deep breathing and nervous whimpers. _Fear simulations_. Obviously they've taken a toll on most of the initiates. Bailey and Zayn's beds are still unmade. Brett's bed has also been stripped. My bed is now nothing more than an island. A heap of covers surrounded by three empty beds. The scary thing is that they're empty because of me.

I kick off my boots and then my clothes, climbing into my cold, itchy sheets in nothing more than my bra and underwear.


	17. Chapter 16: Feels Like We're Having Deja

**Chapter 16: Feels Like We're Having Déjà Vu**

The next morning, I actually spend some time on my appearance. I don't really know what gave me the urge, because I haven't worn makeup since before Bailey left. I braid my long bangs into a hairband and then let the rest of my dark waves cascade down my back. Then I apply a good amount of black eyeliner to my eyes, before pulling a tight black dress out of the folded piles of clothes. When I go to stand up after tying my combat boots, my head starts to thump. It's more than that actually. It feels as if someone is digging knives into my temples. I need my medication.

As I head toward the dormitory dorms, I can't help but feel people staring. Rebecca especially. She knew Brett very well. They grew up together. I wonder if she believes me or not? I'm definitely leaning toward the _not._

"Good morning, gorgeous…" Gunner sets his tray down and then flops onto the seat next to mine. I glance up from my eggs and my face goes pale. _Gunner_. He saved my life and I have yet to thank him.

Without any warning, I push my tray away and throw my arms around Gunner's neck. My forehead nuzzles into his chest.

He laughs quietly and pats my back. "You don't have to thank me, Blaire."

"Yes I do…" I murmur, pulling away and looking into his eyes. "If it weren't for you… Gunner, I'd probably be dead."

"Blaire, really… You don't have to thank me." Gunner smiles and runs his thumb over what's left of the cut on my cheek. "You're my friend... That's why I chose to stay in Dauntless. We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."

I smile thankfully and lean up, kissing his cheek. "I'm still going to thank you like everyday."

Gunner rolls his eyes and turns to his breakfast, taking a huge bite of toast. "I'm not going to listen."

"You don't have to." I smirk, shoveling the rest of the eggs into my mouth. Then I take a sip of orange juice and lean back against the seat.

Gunner goes to open his mouth, but stops when Eric drops into a seat on the opposite side of the table. He goes to reach into his sweatshirt pocket, when he sees me. He stops moving and raises his eyebrows. "Holy shit…" Eric then smirks and rests his head in his palm, studying my features.

My cheeks go red. "What…?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all…"

"Eric, if you want to fuck her so badly, just have it out here on the table. I'm sure we could all use a good show." Next to me, Gunner pretends to gag.

I kick Gunner's leg hard under the table, my entire face suddenly feeling like it's on fire. He just reaches down to rub his shin and laughs slightly.

"Tempting. I'm sure Max would be _especially_ pleased." Eric stares at me for a few more seconds before shaking the pill bottle and setting it on my tray. "Here."

I roll my eyes and open the bottle immediately. "It's about time! I could barely stand up this morning… My head felt like it was exploding."

"You're already addicted to that shit."

I glare at him and pull a tiny pill out of the bottle. "I'm not addicted to them. I also wouldn't wish these headaches on anyone."

"Yeah, yeah." He reaches over and grabs a perfectly red apple off Gunner's tray. "What're you both doing today?"

Gunner shrugs, still chewing on his breakfast food. "Dunno, why?"

"I have to go to a meeting, so Blaire, you need to find some new friends." Eric smirks and bites into the apple, the crisp sound ringing in my ears.

"Are you meeting with Max?" I ask, looking away from him and picking at the ends of my long hair.

"Nope." Eric pauses to swallow some apple. "I'm meeting with Jeanine Matthews."

"What?! Why her?" Gunner and I ask simultaneously, but obviously my voice is more enthusiastic.

Eric shrugs and bites into the apple again. "I don't know. Just to catch up on some work. Max is sending me."

"That's weird." Gunner sits back against the chair and sighs, running his fingers through his short, yet messy, hair. "That woman scares me."

I turn to him sharply. "She's my aunt."

He rolls his eyes. "No she's not."

"Yes, she is…"

Gunner just shakes his head and laughs. "You're last name is Lana."

"And you're an idiot." Eric smirks. "Adam's last name is Lana. Matthews is her mother's maiden name."

"Who the hell is Adam?"

"My father."

Eric grins triumphantly. "He told me to call him Adam."

"You've met her parents already?" Gunner laughs at Eric and then turns to me. "What did they think of him?"

"They liked him." I shrug, really unsure of what my father thought of Eric. My mother, on the other hand, technically considers Eric and I soul mates, which is weird.

"They _loved_ me, Blaire. Don't lie to the boy." He finishes the apple and then tosses the core onto Gunner's tray.

"Let's rephrase this… Do they know you're corrupting their only daughter?"

Eric gives a wicked smile and shrugs. "A man's gotta do, what a man's gotta do."

"Oh please." I say sarcastically. "If anyone's being corrupted it's Eric. Just look at him _smiling_!"

"You're right, Blaire." Gunner agrees. "He's been here for two years and I've never seen him so content."

"Shut up." Eric rolls his eyes and then stands up.

"You have to go already?" I whine, following him with my eyes.

"Yeah." He turns back around and claps his hands together. "I'll be back tonight."

"Which means we have a whole day together." Gunner smirks and wraps his arms around my stomach, before standing up and throwing me over his shoulder. "What do you want to do first?"

I gasp and try to grab onto his shirt for balance. "Well first… I'd like to get down!"

"_Besides_ that." Gunner reaches up and fixes the edges of my dress. "Stop mooning the entire faction, Blaire."

"Sorry!" Giggling, I reach behind to hold the back of my dress down. "But seriously… Where are we going?"

"To meet my brother. He turns the corner and starts down the hallway, which leads to the Pit.

"What's his name?"

"Liam." Gunner clears his throat. "He was in the initiate class last year with Eric and Four. He ranked fifth or something like that." Gunner shrugs and sets me down in front of some stairs. "Go ahead."

Smiling slightly, I start trotting up the rocky stairs. "Isn't this the way to get to the Control Room?"

"Yeah." Gunner says from behind me. He's most likely staring at my ass, as we head up the stairs. I roll my eyes. "My brother works for Four up here when he's busy training the initiates. Other than that, he guards the fence."

"Gotcha…" I climb to the top step and then wait for Gunner to open the door. When he reaches the top step, he smiles at me and messes up my hair. I yelp and try to push him away, a smile forming over my lips.

Gunner makes me think of Bailey. He forces me to wonder where she is right now. Is she alive? Is she starving? Is she cold? Bailey had been _old_ Blaire's best friend. We did everything together. We were inseparable. And then we both left our families and transferred to the Dauntless faction. Sometimes, I wonder if Bailey really wanted to leave her mother, or if she was just transferring to be with me. She might've been afraid to leave me during the most important year of our lives.

The old Blaire died when I first jumped off the building and into Dauntless Headquarters. Then when I gripped my first gun, a new person formed within me. She grew and she learned and she met new people. That is why Bailey and I distanced. I grew up. I became Dauntless. Bailey remain lodged between two factions, both of which she didn't belong in. She was not smart enough to stay Erudite and she was not strong enough to become Dauntless.

I'm thankful for my changes. Meeting Eric has changed my life in so many ways. He has taught me how to take care of myself and how to protect other people. He has given me the attributes of a Dauntless member. Courageous, fearless, strong. Gunner has shown me the true meaning of being Dauntless. Helping others when they cannot help themselves. Doing the right thing. Facing your fears.

It may sound rude of me, but both of these boys have taken the place of Bailey. I miss her and I wish her the best, but Eric and Gunner are the only people I need now. A lover and a friend.

"How was your meeting?" I ask, my fingers tracing Eric's strong jaw.

He thinks silently for a moment, before answering me. "It was boring."

"Who was at the meeting again…?" I rest my head on his chest and exhale slowly. "Four and Max?"

He rubs my lower back gently and sighs. "I never told you who was going to be there in the first place."

My eyes lower. "Then tell me now."

"No."

I prop myself up, staring into his eyes curiously. "And why is that?"

"Because it's big boy stuff." Eric grins up at me. "Only leaders can know about my meetings. Last time I checked, you're ranked second, right? At this rate you'll never be able to know."

"Oh, fuck you." I roll my eyes and press my palms to his bare chest. "It's not my fault I was unconscious in the hospital during training."

He smirks and closes his eyes, pretending to have fallen asleep.

"Don't be like that, Eric!" I poke his chest, before tracing my fingers over the black ink along his sides.

His eyes snap open angrily. "_Fuck_, Blaire! It's two o'clock in the damn morning. I just want to sleep!"

"Just tell me where you went!" I yell, my eyes lowering. "Right now, you're not being very _honest_…"

"Honesty?" He scoffs. "Well… I'm not very good with the Candor shit, but I went to Erudite Headquarters. Yes, Max was there but Four was not."

"_Erudite_ Headquarters… Why were you there?"

"Max and Jeanine are working very closely right now…" He strokes the tops of my thighs.

"My Aunt Jeanine?" I ask quietly, while watching his hands. "What do you mean they're working together?"

"You're really killing me with the questions."

"Answer it then!" I smile playfully down at him. "Answer it and I'll let you sleep."

He moves his fingers further up my thighs and spins the rings in his bottom lip with his tongue. "They're trying to improve a serum." He announces simply. "I was asked to the meeting because they want me to help. It's really not that big of a deal, babe."

I wrap my arms around his neck and press my forehead into his. "See? That wasn't so hard…"

"Um, yes it was."

Giggling, I kiss him gently. "I love you."

He pecks my nose.

"Do you love me?"

A rare smile flickers over his lips, tugging at the rings in his skin. "More questions." He swallows.

"Do you love me?" I repeat, smirking a bit.

He sighs and tries to push me away. "Stop asking that, Blaire."

"No!" I whine and move toward him again, this time pressing my lips to his. The two rings on my bottom lip collide with the countless amount on his lips.  
"Blaire, _stop_ it." He mutters after finally breaking the kiss.

"Tell me…" I pull his face down and search his dark eyes. They were once so cold looking but now they give me the warmest and most reassuring impression. He moves in, but instead of kissing my lips Eric pushes his face into my neck and opens his mouth. The feeling is indescribable. Just the sensation of his lips opening and closing over my soft skin, forces my heart to race. I push my fingers into his dark hair and tug gently.

Eric pulls away and smirks triumphantly. "The hair's attached."

"Sorry…" I exhale.

"Want me to stop?"

"No." I shake my head. "I want you to tell me."

Eric sighs and flips us over, with his cradling arms around my waist. "You're so annoying."

"You're so mean!" Laughing, I stare up at him.

"Fine." He raises an eyebrow. "Go back to your dorm if I'm so _mean_."

"No." I kiss his cheek a few times and then his jaw. "Can we have sex?"

Eric busts into laughter and presses his lips to mine. "What the fuck is wrong with you today?"

"Nothing!" Smiling playfully, I push hair away from his eyes.

Eric's eyes lower, which pulls at the silver rings in his brow. "You're a virgin, aren't you?"

"I'm not telling you that!" My eyes widen.

"It's obvious." Before Eric can say anything else, I reach down and slide my dress up and over my head. He just shakes his head and walks his fingers down my nearly bare body. "This is supposed to be spontaneous, not announced."

"Either way I'm sure you're fine with it." I intertwine my fingers with his.

He smirks and leans down, kissing me slowly. "Want me to tell you?"

I push his face away and nod.

Eric moves into my ear, his warm breath making my cheeks go red. "Too bad…"

"Fuck you!" I yell, even though I can't help but smile at him.

He busts into laughter and wraps his arms around my waist, kissing me playfully. "That's exactly what I want you to do."


End file.
